When we find someone that we can see ourselves being with in the long term, we want to protect that relationship. Unfortunately, that often happens at the expense of our better judgment. Here are five of the biggest mistakes women make when they fall in love.
You expect your partner to fulfill your desire for love
Too often, we look beyond ourselves for the things that we most need. It sounds cliché, but your relationship cannot validate your need for love. This comes from within. The more love you are able to feel – for yourself and for others – correlates with your ability to accept love from others. Just as your love cannot change your partner, your partner’s love can’t make you feel more lovable and expecting it to just sets you up for feelings of disappointment and resentment. Work on yourself as much as you work on your relationship.
Feeling like you have to change to be loved
Finding that special someone often leads to the illusion that we have to change who we are to keep our relationship going. This type of thinking – although incredibly rampant – is wrong for a number of reasons. You shouldn’t be in a relationship with anyone who sees you as lacking – if your partner makes you feel like you have to change to be with him, you’re better off without him. We get so caught up in trying to please our partners that we forget to acknowledge all of the phenomenal traits we bring to the table. Authenticity can only nurture a healthy relationship.
Feeling like you have to stay the same
On the flip side, if you find yourself in a comfortable relationship you can become wary of making any changes that might throw off the balance you’ve achieved. People are dynamic and you shouldn’t feel like you have to stifle your creative impulses or ambitions for fear of putting your relationship in jeopardy. Your relationship should look different at a year than it did at day one – and it should keep changing to reflect the ways that both you and your partner are growing. Don’t hold back and see where it takes you.
Wanting to fulfill your partner’s every need
When you’re truly in love, you want your partner to be happy and you want to be the source of his or her happiness. Too often we translate that to mean we have to be the source of fulfillment in every area of our partners’ life. You and your partner will fulfill each other’s needs, but not in everything. But it’s also important to have and cultivate relationships with your friends and family. And it’s important to take time to yourself. You and your partner are distinct individuals and while you fulfill the need for companionship, support and other things specific to your relationship, you cannot expect to address every need your partner will have.
Believing that you, and you alone, are responsible for your relationship’s success
One of the biggest mistakes women make when they’re in love is to adopt the belief that by sacrificing oneself they can pull their relationship through anything. Sacrifice is important, but it’s a two-way street. The more you self-sacrifice doesn’t guarantee a stronger relationship. It’s important to realize that you have to take care of yourself first. . Don’t let a weight that is meant to be distributed among two people to rest only on your shoulders.
