Kathi Elster & Katherine Crowley
First Aid Kit for Dealing with a Boss who is:
A Yeller:
- Breathe deeply and gently, and do not defend yourself. Let the storm pass. When the yeller is finished, simply say, “I heard you.” Update your résumé and start networking.
A Control Freak:
- Fight the urge to resist. Try to listen intently, take copious notes, and thank your boss for the input. Make it your mission to win your boss’s trust.
A Liar:
- Stay cool in the moment, despite you wanting to confront. If you can’t live with the deception, plan your exit strategy.
Spineless:
- When your boss fails to stand up for a colleague, take it as a signal that this person cannot go to bat on anyone’s behalf. Advocate for yourself by building connections with people in more influential positions.
Your Junior:
- Practice adaptability. When your boss discounts your experience, try to see their point of view. Get up to speed by learning the technology and your boss’s way of doing business.
Are You Afraid Of Your Boss?
January 2011
Are you intimidated by your boss’s behavior? Do you feel that your supervisor inhibits you from being authentic? You don’t have to erase these worries from your mind, cover them up or push them down. You just have to take concrete steps to counteract them. Below are some of the common fears that workers have with effective strategies to rise above them.
Fear of Being Criticized
Because of the fear of being criticized, you may hide mistakes you make and any problems that arise. This tactic backfires when the truth inevitably comes out in a way that surprises and infuriates your boss. In addition to receiving the very criticism you were trying to avert, you also break your boss’s trust.
Corrective Actions: Practice delivering bad news up front, at the time that it happens. Don’t ignore or sit on pressing issues that need to be addressed. If you identify a mistake, go to the boss immediately and say, “I want to alert you to a possible problem.”
Fear of Rejection
This fear can immobilize you when it comes to dealing with your boss. Because of the fear of being rejected, you reject first. If there’s a project you’d like to take on and someone else expresses interest, you assume the other person is more qualified.
Corrective Actions: Seek to build rejection resilience. Be aware when you prematurely disqualify yourself from any work opportunity. The next time you are up for a promotion, for example, tell yourself, “It’s worth the effort to see this through.”
Fear of Confrontation
People who harbor this fear tend to let problems come to a boil before they’re willing to address them. Because they avoid or try to ignore the problem, it eventually blows up. Avoidance results in angry confrontation.
Corrective Actions: Be willing to address difficult situations directly before they come to a boiling point. If you sense a problem brewing, alert the boss. If you need to ask for a raise or promotion, you should arrange a meeting, prepare your notes, and rehearse what you’re going to say with a friend or family member.
Fear of Making Mistakes
The fear of making a mistake prevents you from taking action. This rigid approach yields little output and a tendency to wait for explicit instructions from the boss. Your boss gets frustrated and becomes critical of your low performance.
Corrective Actions: Consider mistakes as evidence that you are participating in life rather than proof that you are a faulty human being. Practice taking on projects that involve a little risk. Offer up your creative ideas in the form of “first drafts” or “rough outlines.”
The Fear of Being Pressured to Perform
Employees who have this fear have a hard time taking on responsibility beyond their comfort zone. They usually end up taking a few initial steps, then dropping the ball as soon as an obstacle arises. Because they don’t complete the task, they never feel relief.
Corrective Actions: Take baby steps toward achieving any challenging assignments. Let others show you how to break down daunting projects into manageable steps. As you break down big projects into smaller pieces, the pressure you feel will lessen.
Adapted from 'Working for You Isn’t Working for Me: The Ultimate Guide to Managing Your Boss', by Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elster.
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