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There are some powerful groups and initiatives to support girls to be fully themselves.  A group I work closely with is Girls Inc. They have some wonderful programs and activities to support young women.

I recently heard about an initiative called the Confidence Coalition through Kappa Delta and organizations who align with them--the mission of the coalition is to support confidence in young women.

To these organizations and others...I applaud you--and most importantly, TO THE GIRLS!

If you want to be more successful in any area of your life, here's a tip: begin by paying close attention to your self-talk. 

We all have "failures."  No big deal.  Do you talk to yourself in a way that revs your internal engine up or shuts it down? Spend even one day paying close attention to how you talk to yourself.

Journal during the day what thoughts run through your head.  What are you saying to yourself about a challenge you're dealing with, about a recent setback, about your relationships, about your hopes and dreams? Are you fueling the success you want in your life? Would you say things to your best friend that you say to yourself? If not, make some adjustments.

You spend more time with yourself, by far, than with anybody else. What you say to yourself and how you say it matters.  You only have one life, why not use self-talk to fuel success!

Alter your self-talk and you will alter your life. 

Alan Allard, Principal, Genius Dynamics, www.alanallard.com

I met Jim Turley, the CEO and Chairman of Ernst & Young, several years ago. He was on one of our television shows and he had just taken over the leadership of his firm. I respected him because he was a leader who didn't just 'talk the talk' but also 'walked the walk.' He is now Chairman of Catalyst and a great proponent for advancing women in the workplace. Recently, Jim and I spoke. Here are some of his insights:

On Respect

Jim: An individual can't demand the people around him to respect him. They have to demonstrate the respect first and they will then earn the respect in return. So I think that the leadership of an organization needs to demonstrate that respect, and cascade it throughout the organization.

On Listening

Jim: I think that the good Lord gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. We're supposed to listen twice as often as we talk. And I think that many people in leadership forget that--they start thinking that it's their role to have all the good ideas instead of actually encouraging the people around t hem to come up with great ideas and to shape the future of the organization. You only get those ideas pulled through if you listen carefully.

On Catalyst

Jim: One of the things that Catalyst is doing pretty effectively right now is looking at global issues in an increased way. We've got people on our staff that are working in a variety of geographies around the world. So we're starting to look at the global aspects of gender quite heavily. I think at the end of the day it's all about leadership, it's all about women in leadership, and it's something that you can expect Catalyst to continue to be at the forefront of.

Too often we get hooked on what others think about us or look at our accomplishments to validate who we are. I have come to realize that what others think about me is not as important as what I think about myself. As the year is about to end, and a new year is coming into view, why not take some reflecting time to look inside and see what you truly desire. What are the things that are most important to you, what are the things you are proud of, what do you still long to do but haven't.  I commit to taking this time, what about you?

When my birthday arrives, I find myself reflecting over the past year.  What did I accomplish, who did I meet, where did I go, or what did I learn?  But more importantly, who did I help?  My beloved mother demonstrated by her example the generous spirit of reaching out and helping others.  Just yesterday while visiting an elderly woman in a nursing home, I hear the constant cries from a room across the hall.  I was drawn to the room to calm the fears of another elderly woman who had only been brought in a few days earlier.  As I sat on her bed holding her hand, I asked her questions about her life.

Her tears became smiles as she told me she was scared to be in the nursing home.  Her mind was sharp yet her body was broken down from the years of wear and tear on a body of living. Kindness is a gift we all have to share.  It only takes a moment to reach out to someone in need of a little human attention.  When was the last time, you took time to show a little kindness?

Carol Kivler, CSP
Kivler Communications

I just came back from a session that Tory Johnson ran. It was her Women for Hire conference in New York. Tory is an expert on recruitment and does special stories for Good Morning America on career issues.  The career fair that Women for Hire ran was directed to women out of work and looking for jobs.  Tory shared some important insights such as:

Get savvy and put yourself on twitter, linked in, and facebook.  You'll be able to make lots of contacts that way.  But don't relie on the internet.  Volunteer strategically or take an internship where you can gain new skills and meet new people.

Keep networking and attend many events. Even if your shy (which is the case for most of us), make alot of contacts.  She also talked about creating a job club...getting people together who are in your position so you can support each other.

And ask for help...we all need it.  Don't make excuses for reaching out for yourself. People can always say no. Keep up the good advice Tory....

We show up in a variety of places throughout the day—work, our child’s school, the market, or even the post office.  Are you projecting the image you want others to see? As a business owner, I have learned to network no matter where I find myself on any given day.  When I keep in mind that I am the CEO of ME, it reminds me to look and act accordingly. 

Just yesterday, I met a colleague who I haven’t seen in years while waiting in line at the bank.  We engaged in light conversation and pleasantries.  As we were leaving, my colleague mentioned, “Your business must be doing well, you look terrific.” People do take notice of the image you project. How do you project a CEO image?

Carol Kivler

Kivler Communications

When I get busy at work, it is difficult to break away. But if I don't, my soul doesn't get nourished which is so important.  I believe that fun and creativity are linked together. I need down time--reflective time, fun time...do nothing time.

I go to a fantastic celebration service on Sunday mornings. The group consists of Broadway actors, writers, creative folks.  We have a Unity minister who is a very positive thinker. We sing contemporary songs, and we let the stress of the week go!

The minister has been known to create a sermon from Barbara Streisand songs, as well as focus a spiritual retreat on the learnings from the Wizard of Oz.

Gutsy, creative, fun!

When I look at a child who is dressed up in a costume, I immediately look at her face.  Her expression--innocence--soft eyes make whatever she is wearing adorable.  My son Heath is now 20 (can't really believe it went by so fast), and I remember how I would rush home from work to make sure we had the right get up for him.  Where I live, they have a Halloween parade for the kids, and when he was about 3 we made him a pumpkin costume.  I may be able to put together a great television show, but sewing something together and actually fitting it to a body...is not exactly my strength.  It's funny of all the fancy costumes we bought him through the years, I think the self-made pumpkin outfit was the best and most fun.

Today, as I was buying vitamins in a store, I asked the man who sold me them to me if he was going to get dressed up for Halloween tonight.  (By the way, I was in the Village in Manhattan--that is where the big parade happens on Halloween eve). He simply said, "that is for kids not me."  I returned home, picked up the mail and said hello to our grey-haired mailman who was wearing a Marx brother's mask.  He smiled and chuckled, "they will never take the kid out of me."

Change is inevitable and constant; therefore, becoming a change agent is a goal we should each aspire to achieve.  Unfortunately, it is human nature to resist or even resent change.  Think about it—do you travel to work the same route or sit in the same seat on the train (or close by) each day.  When you visit the grocery store, do you basically purchase the same items each week?  What about dining at the same eatery and ordering the same entrée?

Stepping out of your comfort zone and becoming more flexible by trying a new route, purchasing an unfamiliar item at the market, or even ordering a new entrée at your favorite restaurant are first steps to assist you in embracing change.  Embracing change in your personal life can make dealing with change at work that much easier.

Also, treating each change as an adventure keeps your mood and attitude in a positive frame of mind.  Reacting negatively to a change causes you to expend double the energy ultimately leaving your depleted and exhausted—not exactly a place of success.

Remember, during times of change our stress level rises contributing to our vulnerability to illness.  In stress management we tap into either the flight or flee response.  However, there is a third option to consider when dealing with change.  The third option is flow—indicating that if you can’t fight or flee—flow.  Flow through the change with the adage that “this to shall pass.”  How do you handle change?

                                                                                                Carol Kivler, CSP

Kivler Communications