Dare to Reflect: Can You Forgive Someone Who Hurts You?


Submitted by Helene on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 05:49

Getting close to other people is a complex process. We want to experience close relationships, but when we let others know our innermost thoughts, we become vulnerable to them as well. While this can be exhilarating, it also opens us up to being hurt by their intended or unintended slights.

What's helped me in working through this dilemma is to remember that when another person says or does something that triggers me to feel less than my powerful self, the offending comment says more about the other person's state of mind than it says about me. At a later time, when things cool down, I can share how the offending action made me feel in a more appropriate manner.

The concept of detachment is important. Not taking everything personally is easier said than done, but it really is the way to go. During the holiday weekend, if someone close to you seems "off," detach and practice compassion. Doing this not only serves them, but also results in a calmer you.

 


forgiving

Submitted by Career Coach on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 10:18.

Helene,  Holiday weekends often bring on more stress and pressuer than usual and give more opportunity for mis-spoken words and hurt feelings. Your advice is good because it works. One other thing that works for me is to remember a time when I hurt someone in some way.(Maybe I made an insensitive remark, neglected someone's concern or was just overly frustrated) I remind myself that I'm far from perfect and that it's not fair for me to expect anyone else to be. 

good point Alan....

Submitted by Helene on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 14:14.

good point Alan....

Forgiveness

Submitted by Denise on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 06:43.

I find that instead of wanting to forgive, I try to forget that the person exists.

I just block them out of my mind and focus on something else. This is helpful until they pop back in my world... Intrusively ... Must work on this... I'm guess that it's not a good  strategy for forgiveness 

Thanks for your comment

Submitted by Helene on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 06:57.

Thanks for your comment Denise.  Forgiveness isn't easy.  But when you see them as a "sick" person, acting out because they are not well, it is easier to gain some distance.