Rude people. Nasty comments. Uncalled-for-insults.
If you treat others well, but occasionally or regularly interact with others who don’t care how they treat you, and you don’t want your feelings to take you under like a rip tide, try these four strategies.
“Teflon” Yourself
We spray Teflon on pans so cooked food rinses off easily. What can you do to let another’s rude comments – knowing the person cares NOTHING about your feelings, wash away? If your first thought is – “realize the rude remarks and treatment says a lot about the rude person, but nothing about me,” you’re spot on.
The next time someone treats you rudely remember this truth: “The rude person indicts himself, not me. Let rude comments or treatment wash out of my heart and mind. They’re not mine.” You’ve Tefloned, and left the rude treatment on the floor.
See Past the Rudeness
If you’ve ever played a compromised CD, DVD, or tape, you heard static or other distortion, but underneath, words or music. When someone’s rude, decide you won’t let the issue consume you – and solve it. In the case of a customer, that means you’ll handle the problem. If the rudeness is temporary on the part of a co-worker, supervisor, or friend, that means you’ll focus on the issues, handle them, and later raise your concerns so you won’t face the same rudeness again. If the problem is chronic and from a boss or relationship, that might mean you walk away.
Self-Respect and Self-care
Temporary rudeness from someone who doesn’t care about your feelings means little. How you treat yourself and them matters more than how they treat you. Treat them with respect, because that’s part of your fabric. Treat yourself with dignity and care, because ultimately that’s the feeling you’ll take home with yourself and have with you all night long.
Does their rudeness still tingle? Use it. Take a memory of their rude behavior and let it power your workout, whether you kick-box (you guessed it, use them as an imaginary target) or run the on the treadmill. Anger normally helps you run a mile further, and then, it’s out of your system.
Focus On Yourself, Not Their Rudeness
Regardless of their treatment, resolve not to take it home with you. When a person treats you rudely, they leave a small poison dart in your brain or heart. You think, “How could they do that to me?”
Resolve to waste no more time on “how could they?” Today is your day. You don’t need their approval, nor can you fix them. What’s the best use of your next hour? Whatever you decide, do it.
© 2017, Lynne Curry, executive coach and author of Beating the Workplace Bully (AMACOM, 2016) and Solutions.
