Friends with different budgets
There is a pattern forming with a new friend of mine. She and I have different money habits- she likes to spend freely. Though she is just working part time temporarily, she still has the support of her family to help her out financially. I have to be tighter about my money, as rent chews up most of my income. So when we go out to dinner or shopping together, she wants to buy the extra dish, the extra drink, article of clothing, etc. But when I say I don't want anything else, she'll offer to pay for me. I say no thanks, but she buys it anyway. She thinks she's doing me a favor or being generous, but really it just makes me feel guilty that she offered when she doesn't really have the money for it in the first place, and I feel like I owe her something in return. Plus, I don't really agree with her willingness to spend her parents' money so freely. How do I handle this?
As a college student in NYC I completely understand the need for more money. My parents help me with basic necessities, i.e. groceries but I'm on my own when it comes to going out to restaurants, shopping, etc.
Some things that I've done that I think will help me when I graduate soon and enter the real world is limit when I go out. A lot of my friends will go out to eat for every meal and I will just say no or only go on the weekend. Also, looking for student tickets is really helpful. I love going to shows and my university, NYU, has discounted tickets to Broadway, Off-Broadway, movies, and museums. When I see something that I want to go to I will buy tickets through them and save myself at least $50 if not more (for Broadway shows). Also, they sell movie vouchers so seeing a new show at AMC is around $8 instead of $12. But since I know after I graduate this perk will go away, I know the TKTS booths sell cheap theater tickets and most shows have Rush tickets available too. Some theaters offer discounts on certain nights or times (like matinees) so check your local theater for info.
For museums, most have Free evenings once a week or "pay as you will" check out their websites to find out, each museum varies, but it's a great way to check out a new exhibit without paying an arm and a leg. This summer there are a lot of free things around the city, I know Shakespeare in the Park was mentioned but The Met Opera, NY Philharmonic, etc. also have shows in the park too. There is also the River to River Festival with new bands and theatre troups performing in downtown Manhattan. Free shows like this are the way to go!
Many areas also have websites that are geared to free stuff going on in the area.
I think NYC's is freenyc.com or something like that......
There's also the library........We just moved to the burbs and the town library sends out it's own paper every couple months or so.
There are so many free classes and such listed, such as yoga, different kinds of crafts, interesting lectures, movies, bookclubs, etc.
And most of them are not geared to "old people or SAHM's". They seem to have all kinds of things going on on weeknights after work.
I am planning to go there on Saturday and sign up as a new resident!!
I think all the ladies here gave exceptional advice. Is there any way that you can do things that are a bit cheaper?
As a college student I know what it is like to live on a low budget so my roommate and I have discovered ways to have fun without overspending. For instance we wanted to go to the opera to see a show so we learned that they have what is called "student rush."This means that if you go to the opera an hour before the show is about to begin and you say that you are a student you can get very good seats at a very low price. We went to see Carmen and sat in the 3rd row these tickets usually cost $200 but we got them for $25! Can you believe that-it was great. 
My advice would be check these things out online and ask if they have student discounts you will be able to have loads of fun without spending loads of money.
I know how you feel!
My friend Maria is the SAME way.. her parents are loaded and well she came with me on vacation and brings her $1500 fendi bag to the beach... mind u the bag is white! I mean I would never do that!!! If i paid $1500 for a bag, i'd take care of it like my baby not just something i'd throw away in 2 months and not use!
update on that fendi bag. she's now bored with it cause she's decided it's too ugly and dirty. UGH!
oh ive been there far too often. its never gotten un-uncomfortable...
I know how you feel!
My friend Maria is the SAME way.. her parents are loaded and well she came with me on vacation and brings her $1500 fendi bag to the beach... mind u the bag is white! I mean I would never do that!!! If i paid $1500 for a bag, i'd take care of it like my baby not just something i'd throw away in 2 months and not use!
AlexiR,
It sounds like there's also a pattern of activities you and your new friend undertake. ("when we go out to dinner or shopping together")
One approach is to circumvent the money question by initiating low-consumption-related activities.
When you put the brakes on standard spending, you'll discover tons of abundance. NYC examples that come to mind are Shakespeare in the Park, the Housing Works Cafe, or ice cream in Chinatown.
Then there are off-beat places where both of you have fun and she can spend money but you don't need to, like hobby shops. She could update up a blouse or winter coat with a visit to Tender Buttons (in NYC, 143 E 62 @ Lexington).
If you have a vision for your financial well-being, it'll feel a lot easier to set boundaries without feeling deprived. If this new friend doesn't get this, and only wants to go shopping and for dinner, keep an eye open to further indications of (in)sufficient common ground for a friendship.
Wonderful financial tips ladies! As hard as it may be, I think you need to just tell your friend not to spend the extra $$ on you. I think what most college students don't realize (I know, because I was one of them!) is that eventually they are going to have to pay all that money back, or, be in a situation at some point where they are really going to need to learn how to budget and stick to it. I think this is one "skill" that they don't teach you about in college.
I'm finding that it pays (literally) not to cut corners with money. For instance, if I go grocery shopping I avoid high-end supermarkets, or instead of going to a bookstore I hit up the library. I used to love getting pedicures, but now I just do my own. Now that it's a habit, I don't even think about it anymore. I use the little extra cash that's left over for the more important stuff.
Has anyone tried using coinstar machines before? I have started collecting all the stray coins I find around my apartment (not my roomate's, of course). The other day I went into a Commerce bank and racked up $50 with my coins, which wouldn't have been used otherwise.
Kate, I agree with you that it can get difficult managing money in college. You may want to consider getting a job where you can actually do your homework at the same time. I worked at the front desk of a museum that was rarely frequented, and would finish all my homework for the weekend in one Saturday morning on the job.
I once got to the point where I realized that I was spending more than I could afford. I split everything that was costing me money into 1. necessities 2. conveneniences and 3. luxuries. My necessities (food, shelter and water) I realized were more or less accounted for in my tuition already. Conveniences were things like toiletries and books that made my life easier. Luxuries were stuff like movie tickets, clothes and going out to the movies. For me, retaining these luxuries was very important because they make me happy.
What I did next was become very mindful of what categories my expenses thereafter fell into. When I went to the pharmacy, I bought larger bottles of shampoo. I ate almost every meal in the dining hall. Once a week, I allowed myself one "splurge" to look forward to, whether it was a movie or a nice dinner, or an afternoon of shopping. I realized that by doing those two activities less often, I was able to appreciate them better when I did indulge.
As a college student, I have a very low budget and cannot afford many luxuries. While the majority of my friends are in college as well, many of them have after-school jobs, so they are able to purchase more luxury items than I do and can go out more frequently than I can. Although I could find an after-school job if I chose to, it has always been of great importance to me to concentrate fully on academic endeavors. I feel that my education is an investment towards a future career, so it should be treated with the utmost regard. However, while such academic ideals are nice, they do not leave me with any extra money in my purse. I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to best reconcile my desire to fully concentrate on acadmics with my ever-increasing need to accrue money. Should I get a low-stress part-time job or should I just cut back on going out to eat, seeing movies, and shopping? I would appreciate any advice.
Alexi, I know exactly how you feel. What your friend doesn't realize is that she isn't helping you, but is instead putting you in an awkward situation. Some people may feel comfortable having their friends spot them for certain things, but my sense is that you understand how money can be a very tricky matter. Because you can't pay this friend back, you might feel the need to compensate by being obsequious to her. All of this does not make for a healthy dynamic between friends. Be honest with her about how you feel, and your desire to be fiscally autonomous. If she protests, continue repeating "I just don't feel comfortable with it" until she gives up (she has to at some point).
Being a college student, I can relate to having friends with more money than others. Most of them are living off their parents' money since it is sometimes difficult to find flexible work that pays. I understand their position since it is something I have to deal with as well, yet when I see them spending their mothers or fathers paychecks on expensive clothing and extravagent spring break vacations, I feel uncomfortable as well. They always talk about how unfair it is that they can't get more money....or how hard it is to study and stay in school. I guess we need to overlook such comments that make us feel uncomfortable or make us wonder or even question the significance of our life situtations/ work. It is important to keep our goals and priorities clear and ready in your mind. So even when your friends 'offer' to buy something for you, maybe try to let your friend know that you honestly do not want it or try to spend less time with someone who puts you in a position where you must constantly consider money as a roadblock to something you want.