How to Deal with the Ex In-Laws during the Holidays

The first Holiday after a divorce can be a challenge on so many different fronts; especially when you have children.  For me, how to handle my Ex In-Laws and Ex Stepchildren were the waters I’ve had to navigate over a few years.  The following points can be used to maintain healthy relationships:

1.       Sending Christmas Cards to Ex Family members.  I will never forget my first Christmas as a divorcee.  I had asked my mother if I should send Christmas cards.  She gave me the answer that I’ve used in numerous situations ‘Why make something out of nothing’.  It was so simple and to the point.  I was married for over 13 years and had good relations with my Step-children and In Laws.  I did send Christmas cards that year to them and every year since.  I also send Christmas Cards to some of my ex’s Aunt and Uncle that I only met one time about 15 years ago while married.  I  had such a lovely time with them that one day; that I started exchanging Christmas cards with them.  To this day, we exchange personal notes and pictures in our annual Christmas cards about a niece they have never met.  The cards I receive from them are cherished because it taught me that although I divorced the man; I did not divorce the family.

2.       Gift Giving.  The gift giving has evolved over the years as well.  My Ex In-Laws and I always exchange gifts for the holidays and birthdays; that practice continues to this day.  For my Ex Stepchildren, it is a different story.  They were never into sending Christmas cards nor much into giving gifts when I was married and I wasn’t expecting it to change once divorced.  The first couple of years I would send them gift cards to local restaurants since that’s what I did when I was married.  Since gifts were never sent to my daughter, their half-sister, after a few years, I just stopped sending gifts; but have always sent a Christmas card.   I can almost always count on one of them calling to wish us a Merry Christmas; which is better than any card or gift they could send.

3.        Spending time with Ex-Family during the Holidays.  I’m a stronger believe that it’s important for my daughter to spend time with family and it makes no difference to me if it my family or my Ex’s Family.  It has been 8 years since the divorce, my daughter and I recently traveled back to Southern. California where part of my family and all of my Ex’s family reside.  We spent a few days at my Ex In-Laws house. I also had an opportunity to take my Stepchildren and their families out for lunch and spend the afternoon with them.  For myself and my daughter, that is enough … they give me the greatest gift of all; their love and time.