How to Increase Your Odds of Staying Married the Second Time

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Without intervention, divorce rates look like this:

First marriage – 50% end in divorce

Second marriage – 64% end in divorce

Third marriage – 74% end in divorce

(Statistics from Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.)

Here are three things to do before jumping into a new relationship or marriage after your divorce, take charge of your personal development and learn healthy relationship skills

Take time for yourself.  Don’t date immediately.

After divorce, many women feel the need to date immediately.  Don’t do it.  Just because you see your former husband dating, don’t think you should too.  Don’t worry about what other people say or think.  Don’t let society add pressure with the myth something is wrong with you if you are home alone on a Friday or Saturday night.  In reality, you could be on the healing path when you have built enough confidence and self esteem to be able to ENJOY a Friday or Saturday night alone with a rented movie and a bowl of popcorn.  (That’s not the same as staying home because you are depressed.)

Seek professional guidance.

I recommend seeking help from a therapist or family counselor to get you started in sorting out PAST issues and concerns. 

Then to keep moving FORWARD, I would encourage you to work with a life coach who specializes in divorce.  She will offer a different kind of support than you can get from your therapist, friends, and family.  Your life coach will help you move gracefully into your future with appropriate boundaries, better communication skills, coping strategies, stress management, self care, and time management.  If you have children, learning how to communication with your former spouse should be at the top of your list of things to learn.  These same communication skills will also help when you when you start to date again.

Learn to be true to yourself.

You also need to discover the assets and strengths that may have gone untapped for years.  You need to know YOU and understand yourself and discover your true purpose in life. 

Joanie Winberg