I'll Try
The other day in a coaching call a client, who is enthused about making changes in her life and the direction she is heading, said with a great deal of commitment in her voice, “I’ll try to do the assignment.”
I explained that words have power and the use of the word “try” is a way our ego has of allowing us to slip back into life-controlling patterns that are fear based whenever we feel like it. ‘Try’ is a word that opens the gates to mediocrity and living at less than your full potential. Even though the client responded enthusiastically to doing the smile exercise, the word ‘try’ quickly overrode whatever energy was behind her commitment. ‘Try’ is an indicator of weak commitment.
This particular interchange has repeated itself many times over the years in my coaching calls. When I inform my clients that they are saying ‘try’ frequently, most of them are not conscious how often they use it. ‘Try’ is not the only word or phrase that is used to avoid fully going for something. Others are:
- Perhaps.
- I don’t know.
- I will do it if (fill in the blank)
- Silence – saying nothing
- But,
- I can’t.
- I’ll think about it.
- I’ll check the kids’ schedule.
What is your favorite word or phrase that allows you not to experience your life in all its radiant power? Are you aware of how often you say it? Are you aware of what happens to your energy when you say it?
“I’ll try.” in any of its forms is an indicator of a fear-based life-controlling pattern that is operating inside of you. Fear-based life-controlling patterns always prevent us from living our mission and vision. Fear-based life-controlling patterns separate you from the real you. Fear-based life-controlling patterns are learned and they cause you to feel defective. You are not defective; you are just living the way you were taught.
Words are clues as to what is happening inside of you. Monitor your choice of words for the next week. Notice how often you use self-limiting words. When you realize you have used a self-limiting word or phrase, stop, start over again and use a word that generates energy and potential.
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The Sand Box
Quick, when you read the title, what were your first thoughts and emotions? For me whenever I hear the words sand box I picture the one I had as kid and I always associate it with fun.
Not long ago I was leading a teleclass for small business owners and the topic was creativity. From somewhere I got the wild idea that it would be great if everyone could remember how creative they were as children. I decided to use a game I played as a kid. I asked everyone to imagine that they were kids again playing in a ‘sand box’. To kick-off the game I said, “I have a car that goes 200 mph.” With some gentle prodding of the group, one of the participants remembered how the game used to go and hesitantly said, “I have a car that goes 300 mph.” Then someone said excitedly, “My car flies.” Which was immediately followed by an exclamation that,” My car flies and it can go to the moon.” Before the word ‘moon’ was even completed, someone blurted, “I have car that goes all the way to Mars.”
After playing for just a few minutes everyone was laughing and any inhibitions they had about the game were gone. Very quickly and with only a small amount of encouragement, everyone’s imagination was running wild. The creativity of children was flowing through them.
I hesitated in ending the first part of the exercise because everyone was having so much fun. I really enjoyed being back in that space where anything was possible, everyone was happy and no one made any disparaging comments about my crazy ideas.
That was the first step of the exercise. For the second step, I asked them to imagine that they were back in the sand box again, only this time let’s put that same kind of childhood imagination to work on building their businesses as opposed to cars that can fly. Based on how well the first part had gone, I was sure we would go immediately into having a great time with this part. To begin the process I stated, “My business has 50 people in it!” Unfortunately there was silence after I opened the game. It seemed that they had forgotten how to play in the ‘sand box’. After I gave one or two more examples of what they could possibly say that would top my opening salvo, one of the participants declared, “My business has 200 people in it.” Then someone added, “My business is international and I travel first class all of the time.” Yeah, we were off and creating again. Wrong. We quickly ground to a halt.
The adult fears had replaced the childlike enthusiasm even though we were back in the ‘sand box’. We discussed fears for a few minutes then I pushed the group back into the game by saying, “My business has” and then I asked them to fill in the blank. We were able to once again get back to that unfettered creative space with everyone laughing and topping what the previous person had created.
The exercise was a success in many ways. The most important one was for everyone to once again tap into the ease with which they were creative and imaginative as children. Everyone in the teleclass recognized how quickly they reverted to the fear-driven adult life that they had learned to live.
It is especially easy for women to get stuck in the adult fun-less version of the ‘sand box’ where your focus is on making everyone one else happy. The ability to let go and create without fear of judgment gets lost over the years. With the departure of creativity goes the ability to have fun at whatever you are doing.
I encourage you to try the ‘sand box’ exercise with your colleagues or friends. In case you are reluctant to lead the exercise, as a bonus for reading today’s post, I will facilitate the exercise once for free for the first ten readers that send me a request.
A few years ago there was a book titled “Everything I Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten”. I think I will write one titled “Everything I needed to Know I Learned in the Sand Box.” That is your cue to exclaim, “I am going to write 5 books about the sand box!”
And we are off and playing again. I LOVE THE SANDBOX!!!
re: "I'll try"
I will definitely be more careful with my words this week... a great exercise idea! My limiting words I think are "I'll try", "probably", "if I can", etc. I WILL say things like "I can", "I will", etc.
Thank you!
I'll Try
Congratulations Clarissa on recognizing the limiting words that you use. As you eliminate these words you will find that you are making stronger commitments and getting more done.
Often people use limiting words when they are not sure they want to commit to something. Saying, "I'll try" is a way to pretend that you are committed. Instead of saying "I'll Try" when you are not sure, say you will need time to think about committing and that you will get back with them when you decide. If you know that you definitely don't want to commit, just say "NO".