Keep Good Company

December 2010

Your happiness isn’t just affected by your own state of mind. Have you ever noticed that when someone goes on and on about a difficult boss, a stressful day with the kids, or even bad weather, you start feeling drained of energy? Do you have people around you who are like this? Hang with a negative gang, and you are guilty by association. The following strategies will help you evaluate the people you spend time with and whether or not they ultimately help you achieve your goals by having a winning attitude.

Evaluate Your Gang

Are the people you surround yourself with—friends, family members, co-workers, neighbors—adding to your happiness or subtracting from it? Do the math. Write down the names of the people with whom you spend most of your time. As you look at the list, note the effect each person has on your mood and frame of mind. Ask yourself these questions:

Do they:

• have a good professional reputation?
• build trusting relationships at work?
• have at least one upbeat and positive thing to say during your conversation?

Or do they:

• always have an issue with the boss?
• always take the opposing view and find something negative in a situation?
• dismiss any positive things you have to offer?

If you’re checking off from the second list, it may be time to take a closer look at those relationships. Next to each name, write down how much time you currently spend with each. With your new awareness, write down how much time you would like to spend.

Detach from Negative People

If the exercise shows you that you’re spending time with a negative person, it may be time to change the nature of the relationship or cut your ties all together. Unfortunately, you can’t always break away from certain negative people—a colleague, your boss. But, you can limit your time with these people by keeping a professional distance. You’ll have more time for those you want to be associated with.

Seek Out Positive People

People who support your goals and make you feel good about your life plans can be, in essence, your happiness coaches. Once you decide who can best take on this role, talk to them about how and when you’re likely to solicit their advice and personal feedback. Assure them that their candid conversations with you won’t cause any conflict in your relationship, even when it involves things you won’t especially want to hear.

These are some questions you might want to discuss, among other things:

• What do you see as my passions?
• Am I in the right career?
• Do you see any obstacles I’m placing in the way of my happiness?
• Can you give me advice or help me solve a problem that’s causing some unhappiness in my life right now?

In asking these questions, you’ll find that a more supportive crowd will make you feel good about yourself and other people in your life.

Adapted from "Powered By Happy: How to Get and Stay Happy at Work" by Beth Thomas, Sourcebooks.

Read last month's Starting Out feature: Silly Ways To Lose Money!