Let It Go: Pointless Arguments that Kill
Your Mojo
Arguing can put your Mojo at risk by creating enemies that could have otherwise been allies. By recognizing some classic argument traps, you can better pick which battles to fight and which to avoid.
“Let Me Keep Talking”
When you fail to sell your point to a colleague, you may feel compelled to keep talking until you change their mind. Keep “fighting after the bell has rung,” and you can damage your reputation. In the end, you will not win more arguments, you will win less.
“I Had It Rougher Than You”
Trying to elicit other people’s admiration for your having had it rougher than they did is pointless, almost perverse bragging. When you try to glorify your past for all its deficiencies and the suffering it brought upon you, all you’re doing is creating a contest of competing memories between you and the other person.
“Why Did You Do That?”
We never really know what other people’s motives are for doing something that affects us, yet we waste hours trying to. Remember this: In most cases, your negative accusations will be met with hostility. Since you can never prove the other person had bad intentions, you can never win the argument. What you lose is Mojo.
“It’s Not Fair”
In the workplace, decisions will be made that you disagree with and don’t understand. It doesn’t mean they are right or fair. It only means that some other person decides—and you don’t. Arguing that inequity won’t change the outcome, it will only make you look childish.
MOJO Killers
October 2010
Mojo is that positive spirit toward what you are doing that radiates from the inside out. Your Mojo is at its peak when you are experiencing both happiness and meaning in what you are doing, and communicating this experience to the world around you. Certain events—missing a big opportunity, getting demoted or going bankrupt—offset this positive energy and surround you with negativity. These humbling episodes are results, not consequences. Below are some simple, yet hard-to-spot mistakes that are the cause of your Mojo turning into Nojo.
Over-Committing
There’s a fine line between taking on a lot of work and taking on too much. People with high Mojo tend to be assaulted with opportunities. This happens at all levels, high and low. When your enthusiasm and ambition tempts your boss to pile on more work than you can handle, the quality of your work—and your Mojo—begins to falter. If you chronically over-commit, your sagging inner spirit will manifest itself to everyone, making your formerly enjoyable job dull and your execution sloppy. Before replying with an enthusiastic “yes” to that next question, make sure you are committing to something that is important to you.
Looking for Logic in All the Wrong Places
Humans are profoundly illogical. While our minds seek equity and justice, much of life is neither fair nor just. That’s a problem for many—and a Mojo killer. Sometimes, we hope that logic will prevail against all odds to reveal to all that we are right, and we stick to our guns—until the bitter end. If you’re looking for your own view of logic to win the day, you may be looking in the wrong place. The next time you pride your superior “logic” and risk damaging relationships with the people you work with, ask yourself, “How logical was that?”
Bashing the Boss
Many of us bash the boss at work, after work, even on weekends. A little bit of boss bashing may be understandable, but it’s futile to critique people who aren’t even in the room. For one thing, it’s not particularly attractive. People wonder why you don’t say it to the boss’ face, and may wonder what you say about them out of earshot. You won’t build a better boss with your sneering. You’ll only tarnish your reputation and lower your Mojo.
Confusing the Mode You’re In
Successful people operate in two modes: professional and relaxed. In professional mode, you’re at your image-conscious best. You pay attention to what you say and how you act. In relaxed mode, you’re less guarded. You’re eating in the backyard rather than in the corporate dining room. When you shift from professional to relaxed mode too abruptly, the change could be unsettling to your colleagues, putting your Mojo at risk. If you look around your company, you’ll see that the executives you admire most have clear ideas about their identity, achievement and reputation. They have chosen a role for themselves, and they rarely go off script. That’s why they have Mojo.
Adapted from “MOJO, How to Get It, How to Keep It, How to Get It Back If You Lost It” by Marshall Goldsmith, Hyperion.