At some point in a couple’s relationship, they may feel, for any number of reasons, that their sex life isn’t as satisfying as it could be. Sexual problems are so prevalent, that nearly two-thirds of all men and women will experience them at some time during their lives.
Common sexual problems include:
- One partner desiring sex more than the other partner
- Inability to communicate what turns each other on
- Experiencing pain during intercourse
- Allowing outside stressors to interfere with our ability to become sexually aroused
- One partner desiring a style of sex that the other partner is uncomfortable with
- Orgasmic difficulties
When sex interferes with your relationship
Bob and Annette are in their early 50s, married for three years, and sleeping in separate bedrooms. They haven’t had sex for over six months. They are suffering from both marital and sexual problems that are separate and interrelated. Dara and Ken are newlyweds in their early 20s. Both are sexually inexperienced and having difficulties making love due to this. Their sexual problems have affected their relationship, and they are both overwhelmed with disappointment, guilt, and anxiety. Lucia and Bruce are working parents with two young children. Although they love each other and their life, they find little or no time for romance or intimacy. They haven’t made love for several months. Bruce is angry with Lucia and feels she pays more attention to the children than to him. Lucia tells Bruce he is selfish and has no idea how difficult her life is. These are a few examples of the circumstances that threaten to derail otherwise healthy unions, and ultimately bring couples into counseling with sexual issues.
Sexual problems need not damage your relationship. Working together we will create a plan to improve your sex life. My approach includes:
It’s important to remember that everyone’s sex life is individual and there is no objective standard every woman or man needs to meet. If your sex life works for you and your partner, then you should not worry about what everyone else is doing. If, however, you feel dissatisfied with your sex life, in any way, you may want to consider exploring the causes.
Assessment – Exploring the causes
Are your sexual issues a by-product of other problems in the relationship, or are they purely sexual or technical in nature? Once these answers are discovered we will create a plan to change and improve the way in which you relate sexually.
Education: Mars & Venus
Men and women tend to define and experience sex in different yet interrelated ways. Women’s sexual response tends to be a complex blend of emotional and physical stimuli. It is ultimately a way to feel more intimately involved with their partner. Men tend to be less comfortable with intimacy and more at ease expressing themselves sexually. It’s their way of feeling close and connected.
How past messages can affect our sex life
We are greatly affected by the early messages we received from our family, our religion and our culture. From a very young age, we are bombarded with images and notions of what our bodies look like and how we act sexuality. To truly enjoy sex, we may need to free ourselves of preconceived ideas about beauty and sex and learn what feels good to us and what we enjoy. Together we will discuss and explore your feeling about sexuality, teasing out any issues that could be holding you back from experiencing great sex with your partner.
Create a recovery plan
Our consultation time is used as a living laboratory, a place where we can explore different styles, interventions and techniques. It’s time to make a conscious decision to recommit to each other and move sex higher on the priority list. Get creative with your sex life. Find new ways to put some fun, energy and excitement into your relationship. Give yourself permission to explore each other’s fantasies any way you can. Communicate, play, have fun and be creative.