Heal a Toxic Relationship
A supportive ally can be one of your biggest strengths as you progress through the highs and lows that occur over time. But relationships can change. What if that person starts to bring you down more than she builds you up? Read these tips about turning around a relationship that has gone sour.
Identify the problem. Do you feel depressed when this person is around? Do you avoid seeing her? Has she ever done anything to hurt you on purpose? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then things have got to change. Is this a relationship you want to salvage or one you are ready to end? If you once shared a close bond, it may be one worth rediscovering. If you never had that much in common to begin with, it may be time to say goodbye for good.
Restore the bond. If this is a relationship you want to save, it’s important to tell the person how you feel. The truth is, she may not even realize that she is doing anything wrong. Does she love to tease you in public about an embarrassing story? She may find it silly, while you find it insulting. Tell her what behaviors bother you and ask her to stop. And don’t just shrug off her response – take time to really hear what she has to say. If she wants to try to smooth things over and make a fresh start, you have to be willing to forget about past incidents and focus on moving forward. Avoid future arguments by setting boundaries, such as a ban on gossiping about one another or using a secret signal to let the other know when she is being out of line.
Or say goodbye. If things don’t change after your talk, then prepare to part ways. It’s important not to criticize yourself and think you should have been able to fix it; not all relationships last. She may have been a great confidant when you had an important, but clearly your paths have split. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong, or that you didn’t try hard enough to keep the friendship intact. Know that you deserve to surround yourself with people who have a positive effect on your attitude – and keep those individuals close.
Get a new view. You’re forgiving with friends and family members, but are you compassionate with yourself? Picture what you would tell a loved one.
Embrace your mistakes. After a misstep, take what you can learn from the experience and then drop the guilt that remains.
Put pen to paper. Keep a journal and write down lingering thoughts and feelings. This will give you more insights into yourself.
Appreciate the journey. Who you are today is not who you will be tomorrow. Know that you are growing and changing. Look forward to the possibilities to come.