How To Stop Picking Unavailable People
Get honest.
What’s really going on? What are you feeling? You say you want something better, but do you really think you don’t deserve something better? Are you picking people who remind you of how people treated you in the past – a parent, sibling, ex-lover? You need to understand the underlying motives. Question why you feel unworthy of having a terrific relationship.
What do you really want?
Maybe you’re not looking to settle down right away and want to enjoy your independence. Maybe you DO want to settle down. Are you setting your own priorities, or are you listening to how others think your life should be?
Watch for the signs and act.
Don’t deny what your gut is telling you. If you do, you’ll be roped into another relationship that seems like the one before, and the one before that, and the one before that. Act opposite to what you feel. Unavailable people can be seductive. If you feel yourself going toward someone who you know isn’t good for you, do the reverse.
Ask for help.
If the lure of the unavailable person is too strong, lean on a friend. They can help you answer the above questions and get rid of any doubt you might have. If your own negative mind-talk is getting in your way, they’ll offer a clear path.
Know that it will feel unnatural.
If you always pick the “wrong” person, it can become a habit that’s hard to break. Doing something differently than before can feel like new shoes – uncomfortable. You can only make a positive change if you let go of the past. Recall the hurt you felt from previous relationships-gone-sour and remember that it does not have to be your norm.