Have you ever been in a relationship where you were doing all the emotional effort and the other person was simply taking advantage of your kindness? Or do you hear yourself saying, after a few months of being together, “They weren’t like this before! What happened?” Below is a list of a few reasons why you may be a magnet for selfish partners.
You Find the Good In Others
Looking for the best in others is an admirable trait to have as a human being. It gives others second chances and helps us to not look at the world as black and white since people are capable of change. While finding the good in people is always great, it can hinder us from all the negative traits and red flags that will be apparent in the future. Michael Bruch, founder and CEO of the social app Willow tells Bustle, a lot of good people are able to overlook warning signs or negative behaviors out of a desire to find the good in someone.
When someone has low self-esteem and does not practice self-love, they are able to handle all the toxic behaviors of a selfish partner because they already know how to make themselves feel worse. Projecting confidence and having a normal self-esteem may help someone to identify and stop rude behaviors in their tracks. Those who have an adequate level of self-esteem do not tolerate disrespect.
You Fall for Their “Mask”
Selfish and toxic partners are often capable of creating an outward appearance of confidence even when they are incredibly insecure. Selfish partners can cover up their own flaws to make it seem like they are the “perfect” partner with flashy clothes or money.
You are an Empath
Selfish partners love to take advantage of others and empaths have a desire to help and heal. If the partner is a narcissist, they can be naturally drawn to empaths because they seek affection and attention. Empaths must be careful, however, because it can be a vicious cycle of abuse.
Things that can help:
We need to be able to do the emotional work that comes with being in a relationship with another person. According to Margaret Paul, Ph.D., we must learn to:
- Be present in your body rather than stuck in your mind avoiding your feelings.
- Be open to learning about what your feelings are telling you rather than protecting against them with various addictions and self-judgment.
- We must learn to access spiritual sources of love and learn to love ourselves instead of expecting others to love ourselves.
Disclaimer: This article is in part the opinion of the author.