When in love, we’re often blinded by the strength of romantic attraction we experience at the start of a new relationship. But there’s a lot more to a long and lasting relationship than the physical aspect of romance. If you notice a variance in more than a few of these areas, it could be that you and your partner just aren’t meant to be.
If you’re looking at being in a long-term relationship with someone, you want to make sure that your life goals align. That doesn’t mean that if one of you wants to be a brain surgeon, the other has to start applying to medical schools. It does mean that you should be aware of what’s important. Do you want to raise a family? Are you both highly ambitious individuals or do you like to take things easy? If one of you is looking for a travel buddy to explore the world with while the other is looking to settle down in the same town they’ve always grown up in, chances are one of you will end up unhappy in the long run if you don’t communicate your wants and expectations before committing for the long haul.
A lot of our beliefs stem from the way we are raised. While it’s not the only thing to consider, you should take into account what sort of belief systems your partner has and if they align with yours. This extends beyond politics and religion; you want to have a sense of your partner’s personal values. Some people consider vacations wasteful indulgences while some consider them necessary forms of self-care. Some people value formal education while some value financial stability and social status. None of these beliefs are inherently wrong, but it’s important to realize that not all belief systems are compatible.
Lack of interest
Sometimes it’s hard to pinpoint a problem when there isn’t anything blatantly wrong. It’s easier to determine that you should let go of a relationship when one party does something blatantly wrong – by cheating, through abuse or other manipulative behaviors. It’s harder when you’re both trying hard to make things work. The fact that you both have to try so hard could be a sign in and of itself. Sometimes you’re just not compatible because you don’t have enough things in common to keep the relationship stimulating, even if you’re both kind and generous people. Kindness has nothing to do with it. You and your partner both deserve to be with someone that can be as excited about that rock collection as they are. This doesn’t mean that you have to be interested in all of the same things – but there should be enough interest to keep you wanting to know more about your partner.
Level of happiness
While you won’t be happy all the time – whether you’re in a relationship or not – there should at least be an overall sense of happiness and satisfaction with your partner. If you only experience feelings of happiness when you’re in each other’s immediate vicinity, it could be that your connection is superficial. Sometimes people find themselves in a relationship because they hit it off with someone and it never got bad, but it didn’t necessarily get better. If you find that you’re usually happier on your own, it could just mean that your partner isn’t the best fit for you.
Campbell, K. (2017, October 02). 3 Signs That You’re Stuck in a Bad Relationship. Retrieved March 2018, from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/more-chemistry/201710/3-signs-you-re-stuck-in-bad-relationship?collection=1095899
Gunther, R. (2014, May 17). When It’s Time to Let a Relationship Go. Retrieved March 2018, from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/rediscovering-love/201405/when-its-time-let-relationship-go
Hoffman, L. (2011, October 31). Autonomy and Intimacy: Compatible or Incompatible States of Being? Retrieved March 2018, from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beyond-freud/201110/autonomy-and-intimacy-compatible-or-incompatible-states-being
Plante, T. G. (2012, April 02). Compatibility: The Secret Ingredient to a Happy Relationship? Retrieved March 2018, from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/do-the-right-thing/201204/compatibility-the-secret-ingredient-happy-relationship
Vilhauer, J. (2017, December 31). 4 Clear Signs It Is Time to Let Go of Your Relationship. Retrieved March 2018, from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-forward/201712/4-clear-signs-it-is-time-let-go-your-relationship?collection=1095899