Often the last thing we want to hear after a breakup is “just give it time and you’ll be fine.” While that may be true, it doesn’t do much to help the intense pain we feel now, in this moment. For the breakup that hurts like hell—whether it happened last night, last month or last year—there are things we can do to ease the hurt and encourage healing.
Accept your process
You may need to be alone and cry for a while. You may need to spend a long weekend with friends and family who love you. You may need to go out dancing every night. You may need all of the above. Be open to what is positive and helpful during this time. Allow yourself to feel, accept what is, and let it be. “Some people think that to be strong is to never feel pain. In reality, the strongest people are the ones who feel it, understand it, accept and learn from it.” — Unknown
Write three letters
Write three letters you will never send. First, write a letter expressing everything you’ve been feeling after the breakup—the hurt, the anger, the sadness. Let it all come to the surface. Second, when you are ready, write a letter acknowledging the lessons you have learned from this relationship, and express gratitude and thanks for what you have gained. Every relationship can teach us something to help us grow. Finally, write a letter to your future partner. You can include the journey that has led you to them, how much you love them and even what you love about them. “I can shake off everything as I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn.” ― Anne Frank
Get into a new relationship immediately
With yourself! Put the time and energy you spent into the other person into yourself. It’s likely this relationship has changed you, so get to know yourself now. How have you changed? Do you want to reclaim anything about yourself that was lost? What do you love? Become an expert on you. “Date yourself. Take yourself out to eat. Don’t share your popcorn at the movies with anyone. Stroll around an art museum alone. Fall in love with canvases. Fall in love with yourself.” — Unknown
Plan things to look forward to
Have things on your calendar that you are excited about. From watching your favorite show on Netflix after work to the getaway you’ve been dreaming about for the past year, make plans to start creating new positive memories and an exciting future. “There’s no reason to look back when you have so much to look forward to.” — Zig Ziglar
Believe in the good things to come
Remember this, and know “the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” -Eleanor Roosevelt. There are good things to come!