Give yourself time
One of the hardest emotions any of us experience is heartbreak. Take time to lick your wounds. You can cry on your best friend’s shoulder, but understand that healing is an inside job. It’s important to experience the grieving process and allow yourself to feel sad. But you don’t want to isolate yourself for too long as sadness can turn into depression. And if the sadness lingers, it’s a good time to seek counsel.
Ask for help
“The Universe has no idea what to give you unless you ask for it.” I heard that quote a long time ago and it rings true for a myriad of circumstances, especially here. When you’ve experienced heartbreak, heartache or loss of a loved one, people often don’t know how to help you. They may not know what to say or what they can do. Tell them. If you need someone to keep you company, ask. If you could use some homemade chicken soup, reach out to your cooking friend. If you find you’re so down in the dumps you don’t want to be with anyone, it may be time to talk to a professional. Pain is inevitable, but suffering is often brought on by inaction. Don’t suffer unnecessarily; people are there for you. Reach out.
There’s nothing like meeting up with your BFF for cocktails, dinner, a run. If you’re blessed to have besties or family members who live close by, when someone leaves it can feel life-altering. Hard as it may be, remember the only constant in life is change. Today will be different from tomorrow as yesterday was different from today. Human beings are flexible and resourceful and we have great survival instincts. We are fortunate to live in a world with Skype, Facetime, and What’s App. You can still see each other. Use it.
Be of service
The best way to get out of your own way is do something for someone else. Choose an area you’re passionate about and share your time, your wisdom, your attention. If it’s animals you love, Google local assistance groups and volunteer. Serve hot meals to the homeless. Visit the elderly. Tutor young children. There’s a myriad of things that need doing by people who could use something fulfilling to do. Thinking about others’ needs helps you stop focusing on yourself. And in the process, you’ll help heal the world.
Heartbreak causes lots of emotions, and one of them is guilt. Is this breakup my fault? Did I hurt or neglect a beloved friend? Was I responsible by not being attentive enough, good enough, smart enough? You know the feeling, that there was something you could have done, and if only . . . I’m here to tell you this is the sort of thinking that will get you absolutely nowhere in the aftermath. Think, instead, that you need to be rewarded – you survived! You’re still here! A bottle of excellent wine, some caviar, dark chocolate truffles, peanut butter ice cream, a new cashmere sweater, expensive lipstick, whatever w makes you feel “I’m worth it!” Invest in you and feel better fast.
Lynne Goldberg, MCC
Lynne operates Lynne Goldberg Coaching and she is available for personal, career, executive and corporate coaching and consulting.
You can reach Lynne at firstname.lastname@example.org.