We’re all different in how we interact with people we meet. Some people are very charismatic and charming and are able to become natural friends with almost anyone, while others tend to be isolative and better at repelling rather than attracting people. Most people have a good idea of what to expect from different social situations, but if you are better at repelling people here are six signs that you may have a strong personality that may be scaring them away.
You Hate Repetitive Conversations
Small talk acts like a natural ice breaker when meeting new people, and gives us common ground on which to start conversations. However, you find them boring, pointless, and repetitive. Dating writer Candice Jalili suggests it forces you to dull yourself down to simple commonalities, phrases, and bullet points to make the other person feel more comfortable. Since you find these conversations unnecessary you might unconsciously opt out of them, and come off as uninterested or indifferent to others.
You are a genuine person and don’t like lies in any form. You are realistic with the expectations you set for yourself and the people around you. You rather hurt someone’s feelings now in the hope of saving them from hurt feelings in the future. For example, if a friend asks for relationship advice, you tend to answer with logic, analytics, and facts which they may interpret as insensitive, mean, or blunt.
You are a Logical Thinker
You focus on the future you can change, rather than the past which has gone. You make plans and understand the importance of sticking to them to achieve your goal. You always ask “Why,” and are very unhappy with doing things that you feel have no long term purpose. You don’t fixate on the past for too long and move on from failures easily. Others might perceive you as being cold and uncaring, but you simply just don’t understand the importance of dwelling on the emotional pain of failure when you can take tangible action to achieve future success.
You Can’t Stand the Victim Mindset
You are someone who is in control of their actions and who understands how it directly relates to their future. When things go wrong, you take responsibility for your part and make plans to improve. A person with a victim mentality is unable to take action, or they might find others to blame when things go wrong. Mateo Sol, a psychospiritual counselor, says the victim mindset is usually a learned coping mechanism developed to deal with difficult childhood traumas. They might indulge in instant gratification or addictive behaviors to minimize immediate disappointment. This bothers you because you cannot find a logical route for how such behaviors will solve the problem at hand. You might come off as stuck-up or proudish.
You Like to Understand People
You need substance in your life and crave it from others and you might prefer a small group of friends that you are very close with, as opposed to a large number of people you know on a superficial level. You like having deep and real conversations instead of reciting a script. As a result, others might find it very difficult to get to know you.
You’re also very empathic. Dr. Rick Handson, psychologist and senior fellow at UC Berkeley, describes empathy as an important foundation to any functional relationship. Handson goes on to explain that without empathy you are likely to feel misunderstood, and it would be very difficult to have any kind of personal or professional relationship with someone who you know is not trying to understand you.
You are Disgusted by Ignorance
As someone who looks towards the future, you are unable to tolerate people who are unable or unwilling to do the same. You like to make plans for how to be better and refuse to accept anything less than a growth mindset from your friends. According to, SkillsyouNeed.com someone with a growth mindset shows greater progress over time. For example, this is the difference between believing you can improve any skill through discipline and practice as opposed to accepting that there natural limitations preventing your success. People who are unable to express plans to grow are unable to keep your interest. They might see you as a friend one day and a stranger the next simply because you outgrow them.
The people you surround yourself with have a huge impact on your day to day, which in turn impacts your future. If your personality scares some people away, then it’s probably for the best because there is a large chance that you probably don’t want to be around them either.
Disclaimer: This article is based on facts collated from different sources. The views expressed here are those of the writer.