It’s human nature to enjoy getting attention from others. But sometimes, this attention escalates into obsessive behavior that is at best a nuisance, and at worst a threat to your safety. Many women may allow obsessive behavior to escalate because we enjoy feeling flattered, and have a hard time saying “no.”
Here are seven warning signs that your man doesn’t love you, he wants to possess you:
Constantly texting or calling, even when you’ve told him to back down
If he needs to hear from you ALL the time in order to feel OK, that is not OK. Make it clear that you need space. If he doesn’t respect this request, it’s time for you to take some permanent space.
He gets jealous and possessive of you
At first, you might find this cute. But over time, the behavior escalates and his insecurities shine through. He may always need to know where you’ve been or get jealous over other male friendships. If he becomes angry and violent, tell a friend and notify the police.
He’s constantly doing you favors
While it may sound nice to have a man who takes care of you, this behavior can become not just oppressive, but manipulative. Research has shown human beings are hardwired for reciprocity. Meaning, when someone does us a favor, we feel like we owe them.
One study showed that reciprocity triggers feelings of indebtedness even when it’s from an uninvited favor. Take a deep breath and remember your primary obligation is to yourself, your happiness and your safety – not to him.
No means yes
Obsessive men do not respect boundaries and don’t listen when you say “no.” If you’ve told him to stop a certain behavior and he disregards your request, he should be on the fast track to breakupville. No means no, and if he repeatedly doesn’t get that, it’s not a healthy relationship.
Dramatic, attention-grabbing ploys
If he sends you “emergency” texts or threatens to harm himself when you don’t do something, this is not normal. He needs professional help.
He lives in a fantasy world
After just one date, he starts calling you intimate nicknames that only your dearest friends use or he makes comments that suggest a closeness that is not there. Insisting that you’re his “soulmate” early on, especially if you’re not feeling similarly, can be another red flag that he’s living in a fantasy world.
Obsession turns to stalking
If he starts showing up everywhere you go, or violates your privacy by breaking into your home and waiting for you, you should call the police and get outside help immediately.