Subscribe to Women Working

Blog


6 Ways to Leave a Bad Relationship

Submitted by WomenWorking on Wed, 07/27/2016 - 10:56

At some point in our lives, many of us have found ourselves stuck in a relationship that failed to meet our needs, and yet, we found it hard to walk away from the person who caused more drama than joy.  For any number of reasons including the delicate nature of our self-esteem, leaving a bad relationship can be quite challenging. Even so, there are ways to move on that can leave you feeling empowered with a sense of self-love, instead of feeling like you've just been run over by a truck. Here are some empowering ways you can walk out the door with your head held high:

Envision your dream relationship: We all have ideas about what we want in a relationship. Think about all of the hours you’ve spent daydreaming about your ideal partner, and all of the adventures you would share. Now compare that dream to what is currently happening in your relationship. Is your reality anywhere close to your dream? If not, then you need to consider getting on with your life, so that your dream person will find you single and ready to enjoy their company. 

Stop rationalizing the other person’s poor behavior: When we're in a relationship, it can be hard to face the truth about the other person's treatment towards us. Our natural tendency is to find excuses for their behavior. Stop justifying your partner's poor behavior. Get honest about what is occurring, and ask yourself if you want to continue in a relationship where you're being mistreated or where your desires are not being met. 

Create a plan for your exit: Once you have decided to leave the relationship, give some thought to how you want to leave and implement a strategy for your departure. Like all other areas of our lives, the better prepared we are, the more likely we are to succeed at our goal. 

Stand in your integrity: Nobody said leaving would feel good. In fact, saying goodbye to someone you care about or love is incredibly difficult. Nonetheless, you deserve to have the relationship you want, and that means you have to stand firm in your choice. Practice compassion and forgiveness, and establish your parameters of how you will behave and operate, even if the other person is angry or spiteful. 

Gather with your tribe: It can be easy to isolate yourself if you are sad or depressed about the break-up, but that is the worst thing you can do. Instead, gather with your entrusted friends, talk and spend time with them. Engage in activities that help you feel good and bring you joy, even if you feel like you're just going through the motions. This will benefit you during the painful transition time after the relationship has ended.

Give yourself time: Even when you leave a relationship empowered, knowing it was the right thing to do, you may still be heartbroken. Don't pretend you're not in pain and don't try to numb yourself. Instead, this an opportunity to take care of yourself, be compassionate and loving with yourself, and allow yourself the time you need to mourn your loss. Give yourself time.

- Cynthia Santiago, empowerment coach and founder of Latina Wellness


4 Ways to Deal with a Nasty Co-worker

Submitted by WomenWorking on Wed, 07/27/2016 - 10:24

Work can be stressful. Between deadlines, budgets, bosses, and projects, the last thing anyone needs is a nasty coworker. Follow these strategies to gain control of the situation and find some peace. 

1. Get an outside opinion. Talk to a neutral and removed source. Explain the situation, and troubleshoot your interactions with your coworker. Is there anything you said or did (or didn't say or do) to contribute to the problem? Having someone look at the situation who isn't connected to your workplace will provide needed insight and clarity. If necessary, own your part of the problem, and decide what can be done about it. 

2. Create space and stand up for yourself. Allow some time to pass before confronting your coworker. If possible, schedule a time to chat. If they refuse, you may need to catch them during one of their free moments. Calmly and professionally explain what you have noticed, how you want things to improve, and offer an apology if needed. 

3. Wish them well. Throughout the process, and especially if they remain hostile after confrontation, it is crucial for your peace of mind to wish them well. It only brings you down to harbor anger and hostility towards them. One practice you can implement whenever you are hurt by someone is to repeat the phrase "may I be safe, happy, and live with ease and peace" and then extend the same wishes to your offender, "may you be safe, happy, and live with ease and peace." Close your eyes and repeat the phrase a few times. Then let go. It's amazing what these words can do for your peace of mind. 

4. Be professional and respectful. In all your interactions, choose to stand on higher ground. Remember that you are in the workplace, and treat them with professionalism and respect even if you do not receive it in return. You want those around you including your boss to see your best self, not you giving your power away to someone angry and hurting. 

Finally, smile to yourself as you remember this quote by Eric Hoffer: "Rudeness is the weak person's imitation of strength." As for you, you are the one acting truly strong!

- Jennie Swenson, Parent Educator and Positive Youth Development Specialist


How to Deal with Someone Who’s Overly Needy

Submitted by WomenWorking on Tue, 07/26/2016 - 12:01

The biggest way we show our friends that we care is by being there for them in a crisis. To make yourself available for someone in their time of need is important. But we can’t always be a shoulder to cry on. After all, we have our own lives, jobs, and families to look after as well. Is what they’re asking of you too much? When you find yourself with someone who is overly needy, it’s tough to come up with a solution. You don’t want to hurt their feelings, but you need them to understand they can’t depend on you for everything. So what can you do?

Let them know you care. This might sound like a no-brainer, but it’s effective. Tell that person how much they mean to you and how you hate to see them upset. Be sure to remind them of all you’ve done for them in the past (even name specific incidences), so that they know you’ve really been a true friend. This way, you’ll have solid evidence that you’re supportive and truly care about their well-being. This is important for the next steps.

Recognize when it’s too much. Sometimes, even after you communicate clearly about what you can and can’t offer that person, there’s no change. Or, it changes for the worst, they are angry at you and break off the relationship. Recognize that you are helping them by being direct. If you aren’t, you become an enabler. Andrea Bonior, an adjunct psychology professor at Georgetown University and author of “The Friendship Fix” encourages you to ask, “Are you helping  the person sort of get on the path toward change, or are you just beating your head against a brick wall because they’re not doing anything about it?...at that point, it’s just a matter of being honest and setting boundaries.” You may not get positive feedback, but know that you have to do this for your (and even their) own good.

Set boundaries. If you are always trying to make that person feel better, you may start to feel isolated. Maybe you’re neglecting friends or your partner because you’re giving too much time to this one person. Before long, you will start to resent your friend. Figure out how much time you can actually give them and communicate that. Be honest and say that you simply can’t offer as much as they require. Suggest alternatives. If necessary, help them clarify what they need. Let them know you believe in them and have faith that they will work things out. 

- Barbara Bent


5 Signs Your Boss Isn’t Trustworthy (and what you can do about it)

Submitted by WomenWorking on Tue, 07/26/2016 - 11:14

We want to trust our bosses. They’re supposed to be the ones who guide us through our work — people we can turn to when things get tough and we don’t know what to do. Unfortunately, not all bosses are people that we can rely on. Here are five signs your boss isn’t a good one — and what you should do about it.

1. You hear them talking badly about other workers in the office. This means they’re probably talking behind your back, too. If your boss is willing to say stuff about other coworkers, either within your earshot or to your face, it means they probably won’t hesitate to do the same to you and others. This shows that they obviously don’t care about anything you’ve told them in confidence, or about the feelings of their workers.

At the very least, make sure you don’t tell your boss anything that you don’t want everyone in the office to know about yourself. Try to find other people to ask your work questions if you’re having trouble with something. You definitely want to avoid giving them anything that can be shared with someone else. Also, don’t indulge in his gossip. If they try to get you in on the badmouthing, switch the topic.

2. They take credit for work that you or other workers did. You want to feel honored when your boss assigns you to a special project. Then you get to the day of the presentation and the boss makes no mention of you or any of the other people who put work into it.

Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do right then. But now you have to have a plan for the next time they try to do that. Keep a little bit of your extra facts and research to yourself and make sure you pipe up with those during the meeting or presentation. This way, people will look to you as an expert on the topic.

Also, be careful how you bring up new ideas and work with your boss. If you bring it up in front of a bigger group, they’re less likely to take credit for your ideas.

3. They leave out important information or outright lie. For example: you go into a meeting and your boss specifically says it isn’t a disciplinary one — only for you to later find out that it is. Or they don’t tell you that all of your higher-ups are going to be doing an audit of the store that day.

Make sure you have a paper trail documenting any of these instances — out of reach of your boss, of course. Some of these things could toe the line of being considered lying or just being sneaky (the latter is still within their rights), but if it’s something serious that happens often, you’ll want a log.

If things are bad enough and you’re willing to put your job on the line, take it to HR or your boss’ boss.

4. They make you feel uncomfortable. Sexual harassment in the workplace happens way more often than it should. And it might be difficult for you to establish if it’s really harassment. If you’re seriously uncomfortable being alone with your boss, it’s a problem.

Document everything you can and be as specific as possible. Your job may be on the line for reporting this to HR, but you don’t know how many other people have been affected. It’s important that this gets reported.

5. They keep promising promotions — and never give them. Nothing is worse than getting excited for a promotion and then never getting it. This is another thing you need to make a specific log of. Include dates, times and the exact wording they used. They may say things about changing your title and not actually mean a raise. Have a difficult meeting with them and say exactly what you expect from what they said to you. Don’t take this sitting down — stand up for yourself.

Dealing with an untrustworthy boss is hard, but you have to take action and make things right. If it gets bad enough, it’s time to switch jobs. No job is worth dealing with an absolutely horrible boss.

Sarah Landrum is the founder of Punched Clocks, a site dedicated tosharing advice on all things career. Follow her on Twitter @SarahLandrum for more great tips!


How to Take Care of Yourself at Work

Submitted by WomenWorking on Mon, 07/25/2016 - 13:06

The challenges that come along with that climb up the corporate ladder are higher than ever. Demand and competition coupled with a technological work culture that never turns off are creating a stressed and ill workforce. Considering how many hours we can spend working, it is important that we implement self-care practices to keep us healthy and thriving. Many of your self-care practices may take place before work or after work, but here are some simple strategies you can follow while you're on your grind:

Take breaks: There is a huge myth orbiting the workforce that suggests that you are most productive if you just keep plowing through your work, and, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, our brains work best when we give it time to go into "diffuse mode," which is a relaxed state. Have you ever had that experience of intentionally taking your mind off a problem or trying to remember something and suddenly the solution or the answer pops into your mind? That is the result of placing your brain in "diffuse mode," which allowed you to find solutions to problems or come up with new insights. So, even when you are working to meet a deadline or have your head down in a project, make sure you set a timer and take a break from your work at intervals of 60 to 90 minutes. During this time, make sure you get up from your desk and take a few moments to stretch your body and move around. 

Set boundaries: The first time you have to say no at work can be quite difficult. For example, suddenly your boss asks you to come to work on your scheduled day off. Implementing a boundary you established for yourself will require you to politely tell her that you while you would love to help, you already scheduled the day off and will not be able to make it into work that day. Initially, this can feel weird or be tricky especially if you worry that this will have a negative impact or that you will not be seen as a team player; however, when you set boundaries you also send a clear message about your self-worth and value. 

Hydrate and rejuvenate: Does this seem like an obvious one? Yet, so many people get so caught up in their work, they forget to drink enough water, and that means 6 to 8 glasses a day. What many people don't know is that symptoms of dehydration include a feeling of sluggishness and a loss of concentration. So, making sure you stay hydrated can actually help your work performance and keep you feeling rejuvenated while you work. 

Mindful lunchtime: It's amazing how much work culture has moved away from taking the time to eat a hearty, healthy meal. What you often find in today's workforce is employees sitting at their desks mindlessly chowing down their food. Eating a healthy meal in the middle of your work day will have a lasting positive effect on your productivity for the remainder of that day. But, it is also vitally important that you focus in on this meal. Do not eat at your desk and do not tap into technology. Take this time to decompress, enjoy the flavors of your food, and use this as a time to fully relax. 

Create regular check-ins: One avenue of self-care that is overlooked in the professional world is the need for feedback and growth. Engaging in consistent opportunities to learn and improve your performance with a trusted manager or mentor can provide you with a sense of growth and purpose in your work. Making this a regular practice can also help you avoid any potential problems before they even start. 

- Cynthia Santiago, empowerment coach and founder of Latina Wellness


How to Get Close to Someone When You’re Afraid to Let Them In

Submitted by WomenWorking on Mon, 07/25/2016 - 12:40

Most of us have a fear of intimacy. It is scary getting close to someone else. You might wonder what would happen if you express how much you care about them. So how do we face our fears and move towards someone rather than push them away? How do we let go of the control, especially if we trust them and want to get closer? Here are some ways that may help.

You don't have control of even the simple things. You may think you have control over some things. Yes, you have control over your actions and words, but the events of the world--even your day to day work goals, or day to day home responsibilities--you can do your best but there are so many factors that come into play as you go about doing these things that you have NO control over. Yet we all proceed anyway.

Reflect and get clear on what the "payoff" is of trying to control what you can't really control. The payoff is keeping yourself at a distance and not being vulnerable and enjoying lots of "good times," and dealing with the challenging times which are probably not as bad as you would project. 

Remember, you trust this person. This is not someone unworthy of your care, concern and love. This is a person who has shown you that they will be there for you. If there is anyone to let your guard down with, it's them. 

Begin small. Take simple steps to do things differently. Sometimes that will mean taking the opposite action of what you have done. You may have to keep asking that of yourself.


How to Deal with Gossip When You’re the Target

Submitted by WomenWorking on Mon, 07/25/2016 - 12:04

When you enter the breakroom, the conversation stops. You feel the sideways glances your coworkers shoot at you as you walk down the hallway. No one tells you what’s going on, but you catch the vibe. There’s a rumor going around, and it’s about you. How do you silence the rumor mill when you’re the subject of office gossip?

What traps do you need to avoid?

Trap #1: Ignoring gossip can be your downfall
You may feel tempted to retreat to your work station, hoping the gossip storm blows over. You can’t stop gossip by pulling your head into a turtle shell. Wait too long and the rumors turn from mud splashed on your reputation into concrete. 

Trap #2: Reacting backfires 
If you react with angry denials, you throw gas on the gossip fire. React with tears and humiliation and you reward the gossip instigator. Plead for the gossipers to stop, and you give them power.

Trap #3: Don’t collude 
Gossip hurts like a knife slash, but then we twist the knife ourselves by taking what’s said to heart. When mud splashes on you, you wash it off before the stain sets in. Don’t collude with those who gossip by carrying their words home and spending the evening remembering them. 

What can you do to stop the gossip?

Action #1: Confront in the right way
When you overheard gossip or know that others have spread rumors about you, confront it. A simple denial works, “I know there have rumors. They’re not true.”

If you know what’s been said, you can add specifics. “I’ve been working late. Bill has too. We’ve even lunched together when we were both headed out the door at the same time. I know small minds might think we’ve got something going. I know you wouldn’t think that. But, just to be clear, no.”

If you know who’s spread the rumors, you can say, “I’ve heard you’re saying this about me. Why?” or “I’ve heard you’ve been saying….  Since I wasn’t in on that conversation, I’d appreciate you coming to me directly so I can the record straight for you.”

Action #2: Enlist support
Instead of hiding, ask coworkers and others to have your back when you’re not present. Ask your manager, “Can you please help shut this down?”

Action #3: Stop gossipers in their tracks
Want to silence the rumor mill when you’re the subject of office gossip?  Cut off the air that fuels all gossip. Imagine the look on your gossiper’s face if she comes to you and says, “Do you know what ‘X’ said about you?” and you respond, “Let’s go find ‘X’ and have a three-way discussion about that.” 

Or imagine the quiet that would descend on an office if you ask your manager’s permission to tackle the rumor mill and say, “I hear I’m the target of nasty bullying rumors, none of which are true. I hope none of you want to be used in this way, to be co-opted into reputation slander.”

© 2016, Lynne Curry, executive coach and author of Solutions and Beating the Workplace Bully. Follow her @lynnecurry10 or on www.workplacecoachblog.com or on www.bullywhisperer.com™.


The Fulfillment Manifesto

Submitted by WomenWorking on Sun, 07/24/2016 - 06:00

It is your birthright to live a life of fulfillment. Here are our basic rights as women. I wrote this for one of my book and it comes from a very deep place.

To be loved and to love yourself.

It is wonderful to be loved by another individual, to experience that person's warmth and friendship. What's even more fulfilling is to look in the mirror and feel geniune respect and affection for what you see.

To feel secure in yourself.

Peace grounds your inner core. Experiencing this, it becomes easier for you to find the courage to take risks that expand your abilities.

To express your talents.

You unique contributions are needed in the world and you find ways to share them fully.

To have companionship.

You are connected top other human beings who, like you, want to share their joys and dreams, their challenges and triumphs.

To be healthy.

Feeling fit gives you energy and impetus to launch out in new ways. Healthy self-care leads to self-respect.

To live an abundant life.

You are worthy of receiving life's greatest blessings. The only requirement is that you open yourself up to letting them in.

To create your life according to your own design.

You have the ability to follow your inner guidance and create your life as you would like it to be.

From In Her Power: Reclaiming Your Authentic Self, Helene Lerner

 

 

 


5 Ways to Stop Emotional Abuse

Submitted by WomenWorking on Sat, 07/23/2016 - 14:20

All of us have our off days, when we say and do things we regret. When we feel frustrated and let it out on someone close to us.

We are all human, and as perfect as we wish we could be, we aren't, and make some mistakes. Some of which hurt the people we love. When we are the recipient of this type of behavior, it feels abusive, but this post is not about an occasional slip, it is about behavior that happens a lot without concern for the other person's feelings, with the intention of putting them down.

Here are some signs that you are being badly mistreated and some options if this is happening to you.   

1. You are being belittled. The other person may laugh at you. If you express yourself, make a joke of what you've said, not taking you seriously. You are being constantly criticized by them.

When we are bombarded by this type of negativity, we may believe it is true. But the truth of the matter is that these people feel badly about themselves, and we are just their target, it really has nothing to do with us. 

2. You are being yelled at. No one likes the tone of a raised voice. The sounds around us are so important. If they are soothing (like good music), that can make us feel peaceful. Loud noise can make us feel anxious and unsettled.  Someone who screams a lot is hard to be around. And if they are putting you down, that is doubly invasive. The best thing to do if you are in this type of situation is to remove yourself.

This may cause them to scream louder, but you do not have to tolerate this type of behavior. For example a comeback might be, "Your tone is inappropriate, if you continue like that, I will have to leave."

3. You are being told that you will never amount to anything. We may have suffered abuse as children, or from a boss, teacher, or relative. Whatever they told us are LIES.  It was the perspective of people who did not think highly of themselves. We just happened to get in their way and became the target of their grumblings.

If someone is disparaging, question the statements you are hearing, ask yourself, "Is this really true about me?" Of course, it isn't. When you start to question the reality, you will see the truth about the other person.

4. You are being made to feel guilty (but you haven't done anything). An abusive, manipulative person knows how to make you feel bad. They have been practicing enough--not taking responsibility for their own actions, and putting the blame on someone else.

They also are masters of making you feel like you did something wrong, when you did absolutely nothing to contribute to their distortions. Don't buy into their manipulations. Think to yourself, "Well, I feel guilty, not because I did anything wrong, actually, I am doing something right by not believing what they are saying."

5. You are being compared to someone else, always falling short. Emotional abuse takes many forms. If someone is always pointing out how you just don't quite measure up--it can be a subtle form of torture--chipping away at your self-esteem and confidence. Again, becoming aware that what they are saying isn't true, realizing how limited they are, pinpointing when you may have heard the same messages in the past (and how limited those people were as well), can help.

It is very important to reach out for support to work through the feelings that come up when you are subjected to emotional abuse. A counselor or a therapist can be of great help.

 

 

   

  

 

 


How to Re-ignite the Passion in a Relationship

Submitted by WomenWorking on Fri, 07/22/2016 - 13:09

After you’ve been dating (or married) for a while, things can turn monotonous. What was once so thrilling becomes merely routine. You two fit like jigsaw puzzle pieces, but there’s a spark missing now. Here are some tips on how to rekindle the flame:

Talk and LISTEN
This sounds simple, and you probably do this every day. But this time, really talk. Have a conversation where you’re completely unplugged from your cell phone and all other distractions. Look your partner in the eyes when they speak to you. Andrea Watcher and Steve J. Legallet, licensed Marriage and Family therapists, say, “remind yourself that since what they are saying feels important enough for them to share with you, they deserve your undivided attention.” Keep up the openness. Jane Wyker, a family counselor, thinks “emotional connectedness” is key. “Emotional barriers dim passion,” she says. “The more emotionally open and new and present people are with each other, the more a passionate relationship continues.” She suggests confronting your partner when you feel like something is off. YOU should be the one to start the conversation. 

Reminisce about the good ole days
Think about the times you first started dating your partner. You probably had butterflies in your stomach for a while whenever you talked to them. You can bring those feelings back, just by reminiscing a little bit. Watcher and Legallet suggest: “[look] at your partner through new eyes. Consciously consider the things you like, love, and appreciate. Think about what you would miss about them if they were gone. Ask yourself: ‘What attracted you to your partner in the first place?’”

Share simple reminders
Small statements that affirm your love can make a big difference. Just by telling your partner, “I love you” or “I’m here for you” every so often can strengthen the relationship. Author and psychologist Dr. Barbara Markway describes how: “It’s through a process called ‘kindling’--which means you can produce increasingly large effects with smaller efforts applied over time.” In other words, if you practice baby steps each day, your relationship will reap the benefits in the long run, and it all starts with the little words and gestures of kindness.

- Barbara Bent


5 Surprising Endorphin Boosters

Submitted by WomenWorking on Fri, 07/22/2016 - 13:00

1. Pain
Endorphin is triggered by pain. That’s surprising because we associate it with joy. “Runner’s high" is only produced if you run to the point of pain, alas, and that’s not safe to do on a regular basis. Endorphin creates a euphoria that masks pain. In the state of nature, this enables an injured animal to run for its life despite the pain. Endorphin helped an injured cave man look for help. Endorphin is literally “endogenous morphine.” The good feeling soon passes, and then you feel the pain. We need pain because it tells us not to walk on a broken leg or touch a hot stove. We are not designed to cause ourselves pain just to get the endorphin. That’s a very bad strategy because you have to create more and more pain in order to stimulate it. We are better off just being glad we have it for emergencies.

2. Laughter
Laughing triggers a bit of endorphin because it jiggles your innards. It feels great because you’re getting it without obvious pain. But it’s brief. To get more, you have to laugh more, but it takes a real belly laugh to trigger it. How can you get that? It’s hard to predict. Even expensive tickets to a famous comedian doesn’t always work. What you can do is give yourself permission to laugh when you feel like, and make time in your life for things you think are funny. Don’t waste this time on things that crack up your friends and relatives but fail to amuse you. It’s your body and you need to take charge to get that endorphin.

3. Varying your exercise
Exercise is the key to endorphin in most people’s minds, but there’s an unfortunate catch. If you expect a full euphoric “high,” you will have to exercise to the point of pain e very time. Your body will habituate so you will have to go further and further. Bad idea. Instead of striving for pain, you can commit to exercising without the full euphoria. But you can get a bit extra by varying your exercise, because that activate parts that aren’t usually activated. We have three layers of muscles so it takes quite a variety to activate all of them. Many people don’t like to vary their exercise routine, but endorphin will reward you if you do.

4. Crying
Do NOT make a habit of crying, because it triggers cortisol as well as endorphin. But if you feel like crying, it’s good to know that your body releases a bit of endorphin to help you reboot. So go watch Dr. Zhivago and let it out.

5. Stretching
Yay! Stretching is an endorphin boost that’s always available. Moderation is the key. You can’t get a huge boost from a huge stretch just because you got a small boost from a small stretch. But you can do it often. Right now while you’re reading, you can roll your ankles and move your shoulders and enjoy some endorphin. Now your fingers. Now your ears. Keep going.

 

 

- Dr. Loretta Breuning is the founder of InnerMammalInstitute.org and author of Habits of a Happy Brain: Retrain Your Brain to Boost Your Serotonin, Dopamine, Oxytocin, & Endorphin Levels


Foods To Keep You Hydrated! Some May Surprise YOU!

Submitted by WomenWorking on Fri, 07/22/2016 - 12:49

It has been really hot and because of that heat, keeping yourself well hydrated is incredibly important to your health. Water is needed by the body for survival. For your organs, cells and tissue to function correctly, the body needs water. Water is used by the body for such things as the removal of waste, keeping the joints well lubricated or even the maintenance of the temperature of the body.  Simply put - water is ESSENTIAL for good health!

You can get your hydration from various sources but did you know an easy way to add water to your day can include the foods we eat? The Ask Dr. Nandi show has some ideas to add to your dinner table and to help you keep that body hydrated.

Butternut Squash
Adding butternut squash to your meal is a great way to add extra hydration to your body. This delicious squash is roughly 88% water and contains over 400% of the daily recommended allowance for Vitamin A which is important for the health of your eyes. Plus, butternut squash has Vitamin C, potassium and manganese.

Cucumbers
Researchers have found that a cup of cucumber can be nearly as thirst quenching as a glass of water because those cucumbers are 95% water. The cucumber is a great diet aid to keep your body hydrated and these vegetables contain some fiber and Vitamin C. Add cucumbers to your diet throughout the day to keep your body well hydrated.

Yogurt
Did you know that delicious serving of yogurt is also helping to keep you hydrated? A regular plain yogurt is roughly 85% made up of water and the fuller the fat content, the more more water there is. Plus, yogurt contain calcium, B12, riboflavin and should contain probiotics. Add that yogurt to your diet in the summer and keep your body hydrated and healthy!

Carrots
Carrots aren't just good for your eyes (at least that is what Bugs Bunny says!). Carrots are made up of nearly 87% water and also contain more of the powerful antioxidant beta-carotene than any other fruit or vegetable. Carrots have been found to be helpful in protecting the body against skin, lung and oral cavity cancer. So grab some carrots and keep yourself hydrated and healthy!

Strawberries
Go ahead and splurge on strawberries in the summer! If you need to keep yourself well hydrated, eat those strawberries because they contain over 90% water. Not only do strawberries help with hydration issues, strawberries have folate which is great for keeping arteries clear and healthy. But get those organic strawberries because a recent study found that organic are more nutritious and flavorful than non-organic.

Grapefruit
That bitter grapefruit may make your mouth pucker but all the water contained inside is hydrating you! The grapefruit is made up of 90% water and a serving contains only 30 calories. Plus, grapefruits have the phytonutrient called limonoids which have been found to help detoxify the body and may inhibit tumor formation of cancer.

Garbanzo Beans
Most people would not think that the garbanzo bean would be great for hydration but 1 cup of cooked beans provide a half cup of water. Not only do you get hydrated but you get the added bonus of protein and half your daily fiber needs. Add some beans to your summer diet !

Broccoli
Many people might be surprised to see broccoli on the list but this crunchy food is made up of nearly 90% water. A study done in 2010 found that broccoli also contains a compound that blocks a defective gene that can cause cells to become cancerous. The compound is called isothiocyanates. Add that broccoli to the diet and keep your body hydrated and healthy!

Celery
Celery contains more than 90% water and only 6 calories per stalk. Plus add in the extra fiber and it is a winning combination. Celery also has folate which is great for artery health and the vitamins A, C and K. Plus, studies have shown that celery can neutralize stomach acid and acid reflux.

Radishes
Add some thing to your diet with radishes and get extra hydration at the same time. Radishes are made up of over 92% water and are incredibly healthy. Researchers have found that this crunchy root vegetable contain many antioxidants. Radishes have catechin, an important antioxidant which is also found in green tea! Keep yourself hydrated and healthy with radishes!

 

 

Partha Nandi M.D., F.A.C.P is the creator and host of the internationally syndicated medical lifestyle television show, Ask Dr. Nandi. Dr. Nandi delivers passionate and inspiring talks to empower the world in his mission, “To Be Your Own Health Hero.”


Health Benefits of Laughter

Submitted by WomenWorking on Fri, 07/22/2016 - 12:29

Everyone loves a good laugh but did you know that “belly buster” or “chortle” just might be good for your health as well?

Laughter reduces pain
Researchers have found that having a good laugh is a great way to reduce pain. Studies have found that laughing not only distracts people from the aches and pains but it helps to release endorphin into your system. Endorphin is the feel good hormone. A recent study found that just 15 minutes of laughter can increase pain tolerance by nearly 10% The researchers found that the endorphin released was very similar to a natural “high” which lead to feelings of calm, and temporary pain relief

Laughter helps depression
Researchers have found that laughter is beneficial to people who suffer from SAD or full-blown depression. Studies have found that the act of laughing reduces tension, stress and has the ability to lower anxiety and irritation. These factors contribute to depression. A study found that using laughter therapy helped to reduce depression in older patients by inducing feelings of well being and aided in improving social interactions.

Laughter is good for your heart
Recent studies have found that people who enjoy laughing and laugh often are helping their heart. Research has found that laughing helps to increase oxygen rich blood flow in your body. Endorphins are released which creates a chemical rush that counters the negative feelings and stress. Studies and researchers have found that laughing is similar to a good workout or listening to music in regards to the release of endorphins.

Laughter helps to burn calories
You might not want to stop going to the gym or that long walk but laughing does burn calories. Laughter isn’t a workout plan but it does add a small assist to the fitness goal. When you laugh, you raise your heart rate and you raise your ability to burn calories. Research has found that having a good laugh can burn between 10-40 calories depending on how hard you are laughing over a 15 minute period.

Laughter is good for your memory
A recent study found that laughter can boost short term memory . Researchers determined that laughter helped short term memory by nearly 25%. Not only did short term memory increase but they found that the level of the stress hormone cortisol was greatly reduced. The study found that laughter may represent a enjoyable and beneficial tool to help battle and counteract age related memory decline in older adult.

 

 

Partha Nandi M.D., F.A.C.P is the creator and host of the internationally syndicated medical lifestyle television show, Ask Dr. Nandi. Dr. Nandi delivers passionate and inspiring talks to empower the world in his mission, “To Be Your Own Health Hero.”


5 Types of People to Stay Away From

Submitted by WomenWorking on Fri, 07/22/2016 - 11:53

Usually, we imagine all of the different kinds of people we’d like to surround ourselves with. Whether it’s a friend or a partner, it’s not hard to think of the good qualities that attract us to them. But what about the flip side? There are many ugly characteristics in people that we need to avoid in order to maintain healthier relationships. So be sure to steer clear of these types:

The narcissist
If you find yourself feeling alone in this person’s presence, they’re most likely a narcissist. They may seem intriguing at first because they practically ooze self confidence. But underneath that layer lies an ugly secret--their self-obsession. Travis Bradberry, an emotional intelligence expert at Forbes, says of narcissists, “you’re merely a tool used to build their self-esteem.”

The critic
No matter what you do, it’s never good enough. It seems like you’re always the first one to blame, because how could this person possibly be in the wrong? While honest feedback can be healthy, these people judge in the worst way--it does no good for anyone. They belittle you and you don’t deserve it! “Judgmental people stifle your desire to be a passionate, expressive person, so you’re best off cutting them out and being yourself,” says Bradberry.

The downer
Nothing is ever quite right in this person’s eyes. They look for the negative in every situation. They don’t celebrate with you, rather, they’re selfish and they try to pull you down and damper your optimism. It’s important to spot these people early before they sneak in with their storm clouds.

The rager
Once they’re in your life it can be hard to get rid of them. Bradberry says, “temperamental people are tough to dump from your life because their lack of control over their emotions makes you feel bad for them…[they] will use you as their emotional toilet and should be avoided at all costs.”

The liar
It can be tough to catch these people in the act, especially if you don’t know them well yet. But once you become familiar with their ways, you must try to listen to your gut and avoid them. Lies hurt, and are can break up a relationship. Honesty and trust connects people, not secrets and deception.

- Barbara Bent


12 Rules of a Strong Friendship

Submitted by WomenWorking on Fri, 07/22/2016 - 11:36

She’s your secret keeper, your unpaid therapist, your sister from another mister. She’s your best friend. But are you as close as you think? Here are 12 signs you’ve got one of the good ones. 

1. She tells you when you’ve got something stuck in your teeth. 

2. Her presence makes even the dullest event, that much more fun. 

3. She doesn’t just tell you what you want to hear. She tells you what you need to hear. 

4. She makes you laugh that unattractive, pee your pants, lose your breath laugh. 

5. In your time of need, she’s by your side. You can tell her you’re fine, but she knows better. 

6. You can talk nonstop and not even realize it. But you can also sit in silence and not think twice about it. 

7. You can ask her what to wear and she’ll tell you to wear that dress you wore last year to your brother-in-law’s mother’s birthday party. Because your closet is her closet, and she knows it like the back of her hand. 

8. She gets along so well with your significant other, you’re basically the three best friends that anyone can have. 

9. She pushes you to do better and be better. But also knows when you need to be reminded that it’ll all be OK. 

10. She’s the perfect combination of sentimental and sassy. 

11. She’s knows that when you’ve had a bad day to have the wine ready for when you get home. And when you’ve had a good day, to have the wine ready for when you get home. 

12. When something really huge happens, you brag about it as if it happened to you.

 

 

- Bre Glynn


5 Comebacks for "Know-It-Alls"

Submitted by WomenWorking on Fri, 07/22/2016 - 11:26

We all know them--they have an answer for everything. What you have to say doesn't really matter, unless of course, you agree with their point of view.

How do you deal with these people so you get your equal share of "talk-time" and the respect you deserve?

Here are some things to say to them on-the-spot. Next time they are going on and on...try one of these:

1. Let them speak and as they start to repeat themselves say, stop them and say, "Did you ever consider?" Keep going and give a long example. If they are not the only one in the conversation, ask the other person for feedback.

2. Tailor your response to the topic in question to things they have already said. Before you offer something new, lead with a sentence they have already used. Quote them exactly if you can.

3. When you jump in, use them as examples to support your point. Actually, flatter them in some way.

4. If you agree with one of their points, build off that to introduce something entirely new.

5. Attack them head on, "John, you have been talking for at least twenty minutes, time to hear from someone else."


4 Signs You’re Just Being Paranoid

Submitted by WomenWorking on Thu, 07/21/2016 - 09:39

Do you find yourself constantly anxious, feeling like someone is out to get you or that the worst is about to happen? You find yourself stressed over what hasn’t even happened and may not ever occur. Is there any real justification for that? Dr. Shahram Heshmat, an expert on addictive behavior, says a paranoid person “[is] someone who feels excessively suspicious without justification, and/or that others are plotting against [them]. They read far too much into everything people say and are quick to criticize, but they are not open to criticism themselves.” These are tell-tale signs of paranoia:

You sneak around
Maybe you suspect your partner is cheating, so you check their phone whenever you can. Maybe you’re snooping around your co workers’ desks because you think they might be up to something. First, ask yourself--has anything happened that gives you a reason to worry? If so, think about it--was it really a big deal? Many times, it isn’t. 

You don’t trust when someone gives you a compliment
Are you ever suspicious when a coworker praises you for a job well done or when a friend tells you she likes your new haircut? If so, you probably think that person has an ulterior motive. This is when you really have to be honest with yourself about why you think that’s the case. More than likely, you’re reading between the lines to find something that’s probably not even there. 

You blame other people for your misfortune
Dr. Heshmat says a paranoid person will “explain negative events (e.g., losing a job) by attributing them to the malicious intentions of others rather than worrying about whether they are inadequate in some way.” In other words, whenever something bad happens, paranoia can cause you to blame it on someone else instead of taking ownership of your mistakes.

You seek out disapproval 
If you’ve made a small error, you quickly become wary that the world is turning against you. Dr. Heshmat gives the example of making a mistake at work and then assuming that your boss is upset, so you look for hints that you’re boss is disapproving of you. Sometimes, though, the hints aren’t even there and you’re imagining it.

- Barbara Bent


How To Get People To Stop Underestimating You

Submitted by WomenWorking on Thu, 07/21/2016 - 08:52

You have goals, you’re smart, and you’re ambitious. Yet, there is something about how you present yourself to others that cause them to underestimate your capabilities. If you have difficulty knowing what to do or how to respond when you find yourself in this situation, here are some important tips to help others see what you’re capable of:

Take a good look in the mirror: As much as we would all be better served in a world that didn’t put so much emphasis on outer appearance, the reality is that we all get judged by so many external aspects of our make-up. While these judgments are purely biased and many times may not provide insight into a person's character or capability, it’s important to present as someone that is confident if you want to be entrusted and want to obtain your ambitions. So, ask yourself how are you coming across to others? Do you portray yourself in a manner that suggests you feel unqualified? If so, it's time to work on creating a professional stance that exudes determination and sureness.

Talk to yourself like you would your best friend: Far too often, we are extremely hard on ourselves. If you are full of negative self-talk and overly critical of yourself, then it’s time to have a different conversation with yourself. You would never say the harsh things you say to yourself to your best friend because you know that would likely cause your friend to doubt herself. So, how can you expect to come across as someone who is in control and full of confidence if you are constantly bombarding yourself with negative talk? Instead, start talking to yourself like you were talking to your best friend and trying to encourage her in her next endeavor. As you grow more self-assured, others will be less inclined to doubt your qualifications.

Be clear and assertive in your language: The way you choose to communicate your thoughts and ideas is critical if you want to ensure that your capabilities are not being miscalculated. Obscure and unsure language that is riddled with conditional verbiage is a disastrous cocktail for undermining yourself. Stop speaking in a way that suggests you have questions and doubts about your position. For instance, do you say things like, "I was just wondering..." or "I kind of think that..." This style of communication immediately strips away your power. Instead, be concise and assertive in your communication. Use “I” statements framed in affirmative sentences that demonstrate you are confident about your idea or thought. For instance, instead of saying, “if you were to consider working with me, I kind of think I could complete the project in less time than…” Instead say, “When you choose me to manage this project, I can assure the deadline will be met by…”

Actions speak louder than words: It may sound cliché, but it's true. The sure-fire way to silence all the naysayers about your ability is to prove them wrong through your actions. So, ignore and block out the chatter of critics and get to work on executing that plan of action. Create measurable and clear goals that when met, will censor the cynics for good. 

 

 

- Cynthia Santiago, empowerment coach and founder of Latina Wellness


When Is It Okay To Cry At Work?

Submitted by WomenWorking on Wed, 07/20/2016 - 09:04

Like so many aspects of this culture, crying somehow became a taboo at work. And, yet, the very act of crying is not that different from any other expression of emotion, such as laughter when we find something funny. Then why has crying become such a questionable, disparaging act of self-expression? The answer lies in the belief that crying somehow demonstrates weakness or being overly emotional. Nonetheless, the act of crying is deeply biological and can emerge equally during times of sorrow and anger or during moments of joy.  So, while, we continue to live in a society that frowns upon crying, especially at work, there are times when crying may be the best response you naturally produce. Here are some of those times:

Because you genuinely care: The irony of our professional lives never ceases. Employers want passionate, inspired people, and, if your crying is related to your deep concern, care, and passion for a project or initiative then, well, it's probably safe to let the tears flow. 

When it demonstrates emotional intelligence: In a world that is starting to finally acknowledge that intelligence is not just about how much information you can spew out or about how many books you've read, emotional intelligence has become increasingly valuable. The ability to read, interpret, and create emotional connections with colleagues and clients is a priceless commodity. If crying is the result of your high level of emotional intelligence, then suddenly your tears may be an asset and not a deficit. 

When you have an empathic response: One of your colleagues breaks down in tears. You suddenly find your mirror neurons responding to their biological mandate by crying in return. This can be a bonding experience, and your colleague feels understood and supported.  A positive side effect of this type of crying can also build trust between co-workers.

When it helps you release repressed emotions: Crying can be a direct response to frustration and anger, and, frankly, it is probably wiser to release a few tears when you're frustrated and angry in a work situation then to completely blow your stack. Crying can also help relieve elevated stress levels. In this case, you may want to politely excuse yourself and head to the restroom to release those pent up emotions. 

When it's connected to your professional growth: Your career advancement is important to you, and you find yourself deeply appreciative of opportunities to continue on the trajectory of your corporate climb. You are a diligent worker, and you put a great deal of passion into all aspects of your work. This results in you getting a promotion and being acknowledged for your work. Tears of gratitude and appreciation are wonderful for you and those around you, so, don’t be afraid to share those joyous tears. 

 

 

 

- Cynthia Santiago, empowerment coach and founder of Latina Wellness


Why Strong Women Value Time Alone

Submitted by WomenWorking on Tue, 07/19/2016 - 12:16

In a chaotic world filled with distractions, time alone is priceless. Some people feel uncomfortable without a group around at all times, but in fact, it’s healthier to fly solo every so often. These moments as opportunities to reflect, regroup, and grow. Here’s why:

You become more independent
As you get comfortable with being alone, you find that you don’t need other people to validate you. Social media can be a big distraction, and we may judge ourselves based upon what family, friends, and celebrities are doing. This diversion can be interesting at time, but in the long run it’s not that satisfying. 

You find peace of mind
When you give yourself time to reflect you may find a greater sense of calm. This is because you’re not surrounded by the distractions of other people and their problems. Psychologist Sherrie Bourg Carter said, “When you’re part of a group, you’re more likely to go along with what the group is doing or thinking, which isn’t always the actions you would take or the decisions you would make if you were on your own.”

You can work out a problem
If you find yourself anxious, you may be thinking of the past or of things that haven’t happened yet. It’s useful to bring yourself back into the present moment by focusing on your breath. From a centered place, you can see what you’re really afraid of and confront it. 

You can boost your creativity
Some might say that the best ideas are born in the shower. This is just one example of how you can tap into your creative brain by being alone. Try a new hobby you haven’t explored. You can really learn something when you have the freedom to do what YOU want without being pulled in different directions.

You realize you’re enough
When you’re alone, you begin to realize what really matters and what you need to make you more fulfilled and happy. People walk in and out of your life, exciting times come and go, but you will always have yourself. Be your own best friend.

- Barbara Bent