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4 Times a Confident Woman Trusts Her Gut

Submitted by WomenWorking on Fri, 06/24/2016 - 16:07

Listening to intuition is important to make decisions that are right for you. Sometimes we tune into it, and sometimes we don’t. All in all, we should pay attention to it. Especially when:

Your body says so: Physical reactions like goosebumps, a tight throat, or a lump in your stomach should never be ignored. You notice these effects for a reason.

Taking a risk: Even if it doesn’t pan out, you can learn from your mistakes.

Making a big decision: Instead of analyzing each detail, going with what feels right at the moment often leads to better choices.

Helping others: Experts say that compassion is a primal emotion. It allows us to pick up subtle signals of anxiety and fear in others. So if we see someone who might be in a dangerous situation, it’s better to jump in and help instead of holding back.

- Barbara Bent

3 Signs You're Ready to Meet the Right Person

Submitted by WomenWorking on Fri, 06/24/2016 - 15:56


After sitting on the sidelines for a while, you think you’re ready to jump back in the game. But are you really ready for that? Here are three signs that show you are:

You’ve been honest with yourself: You’ve taken stock of your relationships, seen the pluses and the minuses and are ready to let go of bitterness and move on.

You hate perfection: Everyone has baggage, so finding a “perfect” person is not realistic. You’re no longer quick to judge someone based on the first encounter. Imperfection is a part of relationships.

You’re too busy loving life: People say you’ll find love when you least expect it, so do what makes YOU happy. Focus on the idea that the right person will enrich the life you already have.

- Barbara Bent

5 Ways of Coping When Things Seem Unfair

Submitted by WomenWorking on Fri, 06/24/2016 - 15:23

Life throws all sorts of obstacles our way. Some we can quickly overcome while others seem insurmountable. Here are ways to grapple with these tougher moments:

Gauge the severity: Before you start to panic, think hard about the situation. Is it really the end of the world or is it just inconvenient? 

Welcome the challenge: You can choose to run and hide or you can choose to accept the hardships and find a way to move forward. Acknowledge the fact that you have to deal with it.

Jump into action: Find a way to handle the situation. Don’t sulk around waiting for something to happen. Instead, do whatever you need to do to make the change.

Leave it behind: After you’ve jumped this hurdle, leave it in the past. Learn from each of these experiences so you’ll be readily equipped to handle a similar situation next time.

- Barbara Bent

3 Steps to Nurture Your Soul

Submitted by WomenWorking on Fri, 06/24/2016 - 14:47

Don’t be afraid to go deep. We find peace and answers when we surrender to our inner spirit:

Tune in: Sit in a quiet space and allow yourself to descend a metaphorical staircase. Block out all the noises in your brain.

Reconnect with your innermost desires: Picture your higher self at the end of the staircase waiting for you, asking, “what do you truly want out of life?” Bring to mind the dreams you may have put on the backburner. What have you been neglecting?

Create an action plan: Prioritize these desires and explore how you can accomplish what’s most important. Every day do something to make them a reality.

6 Things People In Lasting Relationships Do Each Day

Submitted by WomenWorking on Fri, 06/24/2016 - 13:59

What makes relationships last? Make them successful? One thing you hear a lot about is that they don't they each other for granted.

Here are some other ways they show they care.

1. They say what's on their mind, but not mean. They don't hold back when it's something important. But when they share, they speak in "I" sentences. They don't accuse.

2. They keep doing little things for their partner. Those small acts of kindness and remembering mean so much.

3. They show their love. Hugging and kissing is not unusual.

4. They don't blame or shame their partner. Instead, they take responsibility for times when they are not feeling at their best.

5. They praise a lot. Let something good be said, you can't go wrong with that.

6. They recognize how much the other person has grown. They don't fear that the other person will leave them as both of them grow. They know that they can grow together, not apart.

Subtle Clues that Something is Wrong in Your Relationship

Submitted by WomenWorking on Fri, 06/24/2016 - 13:49

It’s important to be able to spot major red-flags in a relationship. But it’s trickier to pick up on the little things that, in the end, can snowball into bigger issues. Here are some small warning signs to look out for:

You don’t like their friends: You can tell a lot about someone based on who they associate with.

They don’t want to go public: Don’t waste your time on someone who wants to keep the relationship under wraps.

They show signs of controlling behavior: If they have “rules” about what you should wear or who you associate with, take it seriously.

Your friends are ambivalent: These people care about you, so don’t ignore their the fact that they’re unsure about your partner.

Not much affection: If you notice a lack of physical and emotional intimacy and you want more, keep an eye out and see if this continues. 

- Barbara Bent

5 Ways to Make the Most of Being Single

Submitted by WomenWorking on Fri, 06/24/2016 - 13:38

Life has a lot to offer when you’re not in a committed relationship. Though you may see couples around and long for what they have, being alone is healthy. Here are some ways to cherish this time:

Be with friends and family: This is a perfect opportunity to reconnect with special people in your life. 

Go on dates: Get to know as many people as you can before you settle down. You’ll learn a lot about your likes and dislikes in the process.

Check things off your bucket list: Now is the time to be spontaneous. You’re not committed to anyone and don’t need permission, so do what makes you happy.

Learn to be your own best company: Knowing how to be okay alone is an important quality to have because at various points in your life, you’ll experience loneliness. 

Let love happen naturally: It may be tempting to jump into another relationship because you feel alone. But if you do that, you’ll be missing out on the present moment, so don’t go looking for love, it will come to you.

- Barbara Bent

5 Things You Should Never Do After You've Broken Up with Someone

Submitted by WomenWorking on Fri, 06/24/2016 - 12:17

You’re newly single and the world is your oyster. Maybe you’re not quite ready to move on, or maybe you are. Regardless, NEVER make these post-breakup mistakes: 

Get revenge: Showing you’ve moved on is better than getting back at them.

Seek out their new partner: Don’t waste your time trying to figure out what your ex is doing with their life or who they’re dating. Focus on you.

Have sex with someone else to prove a point: Don’t sleep with the next person who takes you out. You might regret it.

Reach out to your ex: Repeatedly calling or texting that person will hold you back when you should focus on moving forward. 

Find a new partner right away: Let your heart heal. There is no reason to commit to someone new immediately.

- Barbara Bent

5 Ways to Cope When Nothing Seems to be Going Right

Submitted by WomenWorking on Fri, 06/24/2016 - 12:06

Life is unpredictable. Tough situations can arise at a moment’s notice. Here’s how to handle the times when all you want to do is run and hide:

Fake it: Instead of sulking, force a smile. 

Consider the worst possible outcome: Thinking about all the things that could go wrong can make you see that what’s going on in the moment isn’t that bad.

Ask for help: Don’t be embarrassed to reach out.

Look for beauty: To relax your mind, find something pleasant to fixate on. Maybe it’s a butterfly outside the window or a song on the radio.

Count your blessings: Thinking of three things to be thankful for can take your focus off the struggles.

- Barbara Bent

3 Times Honesty Hurts More Than it Helps

Submitted by WomenWorking on Fri, 06/24/2016 - 11:55

Most of the time, honesty is the best policy. However, there are some exceptions:

It can be a tool of aggression: Even if someone’s telling the truth, they might do so for the sole purpose of hurting someone else because they’re angry. People abuse truth-telling to build themselves up, while tearing others down. 

You can hurt others by mistake: Being honest can sometimes hurt feelings without you realizing it. You probably wouldn’t want your boyfriend telling you that a dress makes you look fat, even though he’s being upfront with you. The key is showing compassion when you tell the truth.

The truth isn’t the same for everyone: There’s a difference between fact and opinion. If you only speak your truth, you may be shutting out those who think differently.

- Barbara Bent

5 Ways to Comfort Yourself When You're Feeling Lonely

Submitted by WomenWorking on Fri, 06/24/2016 - 00:50

We are all told that it's okay to be alone. In fact, you need to be if you are going to feel whole and complete on your own. But what about the times when you've been alone a lot, and you feel sad or depressed. How do you handle those?  Here are some things to remember.

1. It's okay to ache. Yes, sometimes you just ache inside wanting the pain to go away. Don't deny that you are feeling this way.

2. Nothing lasts forever. You know what everyone says, it won't always feel like that. It still hurts, but knowing that there will be an end to this, helps.

3. Think of how lonely it is to be with the wrong people. You don't want to be with just anyone, you want to be around people who nurture and honor you--and you do the same for them.

4. Put yourself in intensive self-care. What is something special you can give to yourself, that will make you feel good? Just do it, indulge, even if you weren't planning on the purchase.

5. Who isn't around that you love? Bring to mind someone you love that may be away. Indulge in the fantasy of them being right beside you.  Recall how great that has felt.

3 Ways You Draw Negative People to You Without Even Knowing It

Submitted by WomenWorking on Thu, 06/23/2016 - 11:39

No one wants to attract negativity. But subconsciously, there may be things we do to make us vulnerable to negative people:

You ignore hurtful qualities: Even when people let you down a lot, you choose to ignore the pattern. You give them the benefit of the doubt when they don’t deserve it.

You’re too quick to trust others: When you put faith in someone right away instead of getting to know them, it’s easier for them to take advantage of you.

Conversations are one-sided: You’re the listener and they can dump their emotional baggage on you, so be wary. 

- Barbara Bent

Things to Remember When You Feel Lost

Submitted by WomenWorking on Thu, 06/23/2016 - 11:03

It’s easy to lose sight of ourselves in the throws of daily life. Stress and anxiety cloud our thinking and confuse our sense of purpose. Keep these tips in mind when you feel lost:

Look back: Think about what you’ve accomplished so far. Trust your intuition to guide you to new opportunities.

Reflect deeply: What are your dreams? What are your passions? What do you really want?

Find a new perspective: Be courageous and step out of your comfort zone. Look at your situation from a different point of view. 

Confide in others: Don’t be embarrassed to ask for help. Getting another opinion could give you the support you need.

- Barbara Bent

4 Signs Someone is Taking Advantage of You

Submitted by WomenWorking on Thu, 06/23/2016 - 10:55

You work hard to achieve your goals, so you don’t want to be exploited by others. Here are signs to look for to stop those people in their tracks:

They don’t own up to anything: These people are usually in denial. They never admit their mistakes, and try to make you doubt yourself.

Manipulative: They often “guilt trip” you into doing them favors. 

Play dumb: When you bring up a point, they pretend like they don’t know what you’re talking about. They might even call you “crazy.”

They only give you attention when it’s convenient: They’ll purposefully ignore you on occasion. They’re out for themselves, so unless they can use you in some way, they may avoid you. 

- Barbara Bent

3 Ways To Tap Into Your Emotional Intelligence

Submitted by WomenWorking on Thu, 06/23/2016 - 08:36

It’s been said that your talent, experience and I.Q. might get you into a job, but if you want to do well, you need more than that. In his 1996 book, Emotional Intelligence, Dr. Daniel Goleman explained the “more than that” had to do with being self-aware, managing your emotions, having empathy for others, and having the ability to connect with and influence others. The truth is, no matter how good you are, school is never out when it comes to emotional intelligence. Here are three ways to tap into yours:

Don’t be overconfident
The more we hear from others how well we do with our communication, relationships and in leading ourselves, the easier it is to get complacent. Ask friends, family, and co-workers to give it to you straight. “What are my blind-spots” when it comes to my emotional intelligence? Do people love to be around me because of my high energy but sometimes wish I wouldn’t talk so much? We all have blind-spots but few people seek to find out what they are. Do that and your E.Q. will rise.

Make journaling a habit
A large part of emotional intelligence is knowing yourself. Everybody thinks they do and that’s a mistake for most of us. Journal every day or once a week, whatever works for you, but journal. You’ll be surprised what you learn about yourself, your emotions, your concerns, how you respond to adversity, how you respond to good fortune, and so on. Journaling will uncover aspects of yourself you're not aware of and that will raise your emotional intelligence.

Challenge yourself
How emotionally intelligent are we if we stay in our comfort zones? I find it easier to get along with my close friends than with those whom I don’t naturally click with. That’s understandable. But if I want to grow my E.Q., I need someone who isn’t so easy for me to listen to, work with, or collaborate with. We could all benefit from challenging ourselves to find ways to grow our emotional intelligence.



Alan Allard, Creator of Enlightened Happiness

5 Deal Breakers That End Any Relationship

Submitted by WomenWorking on Wed, 06/22/2016 - 13:10

When embarking on a new relationship, we tend to focus on the qualities we love in the other person. But it’s just as important to consider the ugly qualities that you wouldn’t be able to tolerate in a partner. According to one study, these situations almost always result in a breakup:

Too needy: It’s important to be able to stand on your own instead of always relying on your partner.

No sense of humor: Keeping a relationship fun and lighthearted is a key to make it last. 

No self-confidence: It’s hard to be attracted to someone who thinks so little of themselves.

Bad sex: Physical chemistry is necessary for a lasting relationship.

Addiction: Substance abuse or engagement in addictive behavior are difficult circumstances to deal with long-term.

- Barbara Bent

Unsure? When to Say YES, When to Say NO

Submitted by WomenWorking on Wed, 06/22/2016 - 13:03

Sometimes we find it difficult to know when it's in our best interest to say no. We know setting boundaries is important, but the line can be blurry. Here are some examples culled from my experience and that of other women on when saying yes is appropriate and when it is best to say no. You could probably write your own list as well.

Say "yes" when:

  • It is an emergency and no one else is left at work to help out.
  • Taking the assignment will give  you heightened visibility with top management.
  • You've said "no" several times recently, and you don't want to lose an office ally.
  • What's being asked doesn't require much of your time.

Say "no" when:

  • You are overworked and one more commitment will totally overwhelm you.
  • You've moved on to another job and a co-worker from your former assignment is constantly asking for advice in the form of evening e-mails. 
  • You're not that fond of the person asking for help, and you don't want to go out of your way for him.
  • You've been working late every night for a week and a half, and your family needs some quality time with you.

Adapted from The Confidence Myth: Why women undervalue their skills and how to get over it by Helene Lerner

5 Signs Someone Can't be Trusted

Submitted by WomenWorking on Wed, 06/22/2016 - 12:50

Trust is the pillar of any successful friendship or relationship. Don’t rely on someone if they:

Can’t compromise: An expert once said, “trust gets built through a series of tiny moments where our partner temporarily compromises their happiness for ours.” Someone who is self-centered and inflexible not worth your time.

Don’t trust others: Don’t put faith in someone who relies only on themselves. How can you expect to trust someone who doesn’t open up to others?

If their actions don’t match their words: If they say one thing and act in a different way, it’s time to move on.

Have no self-control: Someone’s lack of emotional stability could be a red flag that they can’t be counted on. 

Give you bad vibes from the start: Don’t wait to see what happens with someone you’re unsure of. Always trust your gut.

- Barbara Bent

3 Ways to Deal with Someone Who's Disrespecting You

Submitted by WomenWorking on Wed, 06/22/2016 - 12:42

When we feel slighted, we may want to react in a big way. But that can lead to trouble, so try these tactics instead:

Be brave: Whether it was a boss who made a jab at your work or a friend who spilled a secret, keep your composure. Showing that their actions affected you will make it easier for them to continue their poor behavior.

Follow up: Directly address that person after the incident. Firmly state how they crossed the line and how it made you feel.

Set an example: Don’t fight fire with fire. Being disrespectful back to them will be worse in the long run, so never stoop to their level.

- Barbara Bent

4 Ways Confident Women Get What They Deserve

Submitted by WomenWorking on Tue, 06/21/2016 - 12:19

Confident women have a no-nonsense attitude. They produce, and people rely on them. What else do they do to command respect? Read on:

They’re direct: If they ask for something, they get right to the point and don’t go around in circles. They’re respectful of other people’s time. 

They’re good negotiators: They are clear about what they want and what they are willing to give up. If things don’t go their way, they don’t take it personally and they keep going. 

They’re good listeners: They build relationships by asking questions and getting other people to share their insights and their stories.

They stick to their priorities: If an issue is important, they stand by it and don’t let anyone tell them otherwise.

- Barbara Bent