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Have you ever wondered why so many people fail to achieve certain goals they set?  For instance, think about how many people set weight loss goals and then go back to their old habits.

Twenty one years ago, I asked a successful personal trainer her take on this question. I asked her because she had an amazing track record of clients who achieved their goals for weight loss and overall health. These same clients went on to set and achieve new goals for better health.

I expected her to say that most people just weren't serious about their goals. In other words, they weren't prepared to do what they had to do to reach their goals.

To my surprise, her reply wasn't anything like that!

Here's what she said:

"Too many people try to do too much, too quick, and they get discouraged and throw in the towel."

Her secret as a trainer was that she started people at a level that made it impossible for them to fail. To put it another way, she put all the odds in their favor for them to succeed.

Along the way, she kept "upping the ante" just a little bit, always making it easy to succeed.

Yes, there is value to setting audacious goals. Goals that take your breath away. But the key to actually crossing that finish line is to make sure that the first step is taken, then the next, and the next..

What do you think? I invite your comments.

http://www.alanallard.com Alan is a consultant, executive coach and speaker.

About five years ago, my wife and I moved from Chicago to Atlanta. One of the motivations for leaving Chicago after nineteen fantastic years was to escape the cold winters and the snow. 

The first winter in Atlanta was amazing! No bitter cold, no more shoveling the driveway to get rid of mounds of snow! I loved it, every minute of it.

 That winter, however, to my shock, I heard person after person complaining (sometimes even wailing!) about how cold it was! At first, I thought they were kidding, but they weren't.

I remember telling several people that they didn't know what cold was...and that they would never hear me complaining about it being cold in the wintertime in Atlanta.

Fast forward two  winters later, my third one in Georgia. 

All of a sudden, I began to hear myself complain about the cold weather and the biting chill from the wind. When it realized what was happening, I began to laugh at how quickly I had begun to take the much warmer Atlanta winters for granted.

After all,  when it hit 32 degrees my first winter in Atlanta, that was pretty darn warm, compared to Chicago.

How did 32 degrees turn into "Wow, this is bitter cold!"?

I guess the answer is that when things improve, when we get what we want, it's easy for our excitement and gratitude to lose ground.

We begin wanting even more.  Our improved circumstances from a few months ago aren't new and shiny anymore. The luster is fading.

So, we forget how things were and how much better they are now. We want even more.

Now, there's nothing wrong with wanting more; that's what fuels progress.

But, why not remember how much better things are than they were a short time ago?

That promotion last year? Instead of it seeming like so far away and not good enough now, celebrate it again! Luxuriate in it!

The improved relationship? Celebrate the small changes and improvement and give them the status they deserve. Positive change, no matter the degree, is still positive.

Use that positive energy to create something even better. Use the gratitude for recent improvements to keep the wind in your sails while heading for sunnier ports. You'll get there faster and enjoy the trip so much more.

http://www.alanallard.com  Alan is a consultant, executive coach and speaker.

How do you manage your relationships at work or associated with work?  If you think about it everyone you come in contact with is a future potential opportunity.

When I reflect back over the last 10 - 15 years, I recognized that my merits, while a big contributing factor, weren’t the only factor to my achieving the next promotion, the next project, role, new job, new partner, collaborator and new client.  My strong work and personal relationships opened up doors and sometimes were the biggest contributing factor to my accomplishments.

My definition of a strong relationship is one that has mutual respect, mutual goals, respect for one’s differing goals, integrity and trust, and the ability to have the difficult authentic conversations with each other.  Each person in the relationship needs to feel they give as much as they get and where a shared experience has demonstrated the supportive nature for one another.

 I challenge you to think strategically about your relationships , the ones that are simple and need no effort, as well as, the more complex ones.  Think about relationships with prior managers, peers and how you can build, maintain and develop them.  Think about those relationships that need repairing which can potentially lead to building an even stronger relationship.  All these relationships may lead you to your next future opportunity.

I love to go to the Catalyst Awards Conference (which happened yesterday) and NAFE luncheon (which is today).  The work of advancing women in the workplace does not happen easily as we all know.  But happens because of the people behind the scene as well as the people who are visible.

It is terrific when leaders are acknowledged for the continuous efforts they put forth.

Fondly, Helene

I was recently at their annual awards luncheon.  I love this group.  Girls Inc. is teaching young women to be Strong, Smart and Bold. The young scholars introduced the honorees.  I had an opportunity to talk with both groups.

I asked the scholars, how can we get girls to be more confident?  The gist of what they said to me was that girls need to get involved in activities, not to watch too much tv, and not to judge themselves by what others think of them.

Some of the honorees: Gail Boudreaux, President of UnitedHealthcare, Kim Sharan, CMO Ameriprise Financial, and Kathy Waller, Controller, The Coca-Cola Company talked to me about the importance of mentoring--women supporting other women and the need for honest feedback from people you trust.

What a wonderful event. Joyce Roche has given wonderful service to Girls, Inc. This will be her last year. She has led with conviction and enthusiasm.  Thank you Joyce.

Helene

Well, it happened yesterday, that perfect storm hit when career and family collided abruptly without warning.  I had a work commitment in Philadelphia (about a 50 minute train ride from my home) and just completed the morning routine rush of getting my 6 ½ year old twin girls up, dressed, fed, lunches made and driven to school by 8am with time for me to stop for my chai latte and get back home to shower, dress and make an 11am train.    Everything was fine and on schedule when a phone call came from my sitter, who has been with my family for three years, who was in the emergency room waiting with her 12 year old son to have his knee examined and x-rayed.  She called to say she would be late. 

So, the dilemma, what do you do in this situation?

As a mom I empathized with her and asked all the questions:

What happened? Is he ok? Are you ok?

I knew by putting myself in her shoes, as a mom, if it were my child I would want to be there to support and take care of my child.

We all know that there are notoriously, long waits in emergency rooms.  Did she need the additional pressure of worrying about picking up my children at 3pm?  Could I really ask her to leave her son alone to pick my kids up?

This is an unusual event, she has a terrific work ethic and we view her as part of our family.  She was clearly worried.  As an employer and friend, I told her not to worry about us, that her family takes priority and asked her to keep me posted.

Usually, I would reach out to my network of usual suspects of friends, relatives and husband to help out.  My husband was busy preparing for an audit committee and board meeting this week.  My mother and father were working, my mother-in-law wasn’t around.  It became overly complicated with friends and their kids busy schedules of afterschool programs.

Luckily, I was able to reach my colleague to reschedule.  Although we were both disappointed, being a working mom herself, she understood.  I’m fortunate that I have my own business and I wasn’t at a client event or meeting and this time I was able to be flexible. 

I took advantage of this time and wanted to make it fun.  I picked the girls up at 3pm, had another girl over for a play date and spent the afternoon cutting out paper animal costumes, having an animal dance party,  making their favorite dinner of homemade pasta sauce with pasta and lemon sorbet and strawberries for dessert.  

I couldn’t help wonder though, how many women have had similar situations occur and if their employers were supportive?  As an employer of a woman I felt compelled to support her in this personal emergency.  As a business owner with commitments I knew my decision to cancel my day came with disappointment and understanding.  Women need to support other women and be the role models for other women.

In my experience working in a large financial services firm, when I had a male boss they were supportive and understanding when a rare personal emergency occurred.  They knew this was not the norm and that I had a strong work ethic and delivered quality products and results. However, it wasn’t always the case with senior women who I worked with, especially those who did not have a family.  They applied what I call “the hazing method”.  They wanted to be known for not letting their personal life interfere with their work.  They made a choice to have a career and that needed to be the priority focus. They weren’t given “special treatment” for being a woman, so why should they give “special treatment” to other women who have the role as mom in addition to their work role.

Fortunately, that mindset didn’t and doesn’t work for me.  Balancing career and family is hard and it can work as long as you have support from the right sources.  The word balance doesn’t mean everything is equal at all times.  At certain times the scale tips one way towards career, for example, working late for several weeks on an important pitch, meeting or client project and at other times the scale tips towards family or personal life, for example, a sickness, birth, emergency or much needed vacation.  That is how I define balance.   

I encourage you to support each other and reinforce the need for women to act as role models and be supportive of other women.

You may find it surprising how many executives at all levels have trouble with giving and receiving feedback, both positive and constructive.  It is one of the most common development areas for executives which can become a systemic part of the corporate culture and critically impact an organization. 

The perception about the act of giving feedback, whether it is real or myth is derived from fear.  Fear of retribution, fear of engaging in conflict, fear of hurting someone’s feelings and the fear of inflating one’s ego. 

The truth is if an individual doesn’t have a degree of self awareness about how their behavior impacts others or a situation, then, how can this individual have the opportunity to change their behavior to enhance results, or become more effective or efficient?

One way an executive can gain self awareness is to participate in a 360° feedback process.  This process involves gathering feedback through use of an assessment tool or interviews with the executive’s direct reports, peers, boss and/or senior managers.  The feedback is then organized into themes of key strengths and areas of development, which is then discussed with the executive.  The executive listens and explores both the strengths and areas for development, to gain clarity and appreciation for the impact of their behavior.  This gives them the ability to think about how they can alter their behavior to get better outcomes and results. 

What a gift!  This feedback gives the executive an opportunity to decide how they will move forward and act to enhance or improve their performance or not act at all.  The feedback is theirs to own and decide on their next course of action.

Now, most executives receive a form of feedback once a year through a Performance Review Process.  This may be the first and only time the executive is hearing about strengths and development areas and it may come as a surprise.  Imagine the time saved and the impact on results if only executives would receive feedback “In the Moment” at the appropriate time the effective or ineffective behavior is displayed throughout the year.  Let’s review some examples:

Scenario 1 – Giving Positive Feedback    

A colleague, who is a peer, just presented to a large, challenging and curious audience and did an outstanding job in the Q & A portion of the presentation.  You pull her aside and give her some unsolicited positive feedback.  You tell her that you were impressed with her ability at answering tough questions in a diplomatic manner.  You then ask her if she would be willing to spend some time over coffee to coach you in preparing for an upcoming presentation that you are to deliver to a similar audience.

Scenario 2 – Giving Constructive Feedback

A colleague, who is a peer, just presented to a large, challenging and curious audience and during the Q & A portion appeared nervous, uncomfortable with saying “I don’t know and I will get back to you”, and unprepared for tough questions.  After the presentation you pull her aside and give her supportive constructive feedback.  You say, “That was a really tough audience which asked some tough questions.  You seemed uncomfortable with taking questions and responding.  If you could do it over, what would you do differently to prepare for the Q & A portion?”  You suggest preparing anticipated questions and thinking through the answers prior to the presentation and offer to work with her the next time she delivers a presentation with Q & A.

Wouldn’t you want to know what you could do to enhance, improve and become more effective “In the Moment “ rather than at the end of a yearly performance cycle?  Feedback given in a supportive, constructive way will be well received.  So that’s why I consider feedback a gift!  Try it.

Isn't that great--there are so many talented women directors and producers that I have worked with through the years.  They should be acknowledged for their great work.

Fondly, Helene

Hello Women Working community,

My name is Bari Waxman and I am an executive coach and leadership development consultant.  I’ve been working with executives for over 20 years, with the majority of my career in financial services.  Most recently I’ve worked with executives within professional services, media, pharmaceuticals, energy and commercial realty.  A special passion of mine is working with and supporting talented women executives in reaching their unlimited leadership potential.

I am honored to be the Women Working career coach for the month of March, which is National Women’s History Month.  When I was asked to be the coach for this month, I thought of all those famous and not so famous, women before me who paved the way and laid the foundation for all women to achieve great things, have impact on others and to make our nation and world a better place for women to achieve their wishes, hopes and desires.

I researched the genesis of National Women’s History Month and would like to share what I discovered with you. 

A Brief History

In 1978, the Education Task Force for Sonoma county California Commission initiated a “Women’s History Week” celebration, to educate children on the early women’s movement and pioneers.  They chose March 8^th, International Women’s Day, to celebrate through local activities and dozens of schools planned special programs.

In Feb. 1980, President Carter issued the first Presidential Proclamation declaring the week of March 8^th 1980 National Women’s History Week.  Representative Barbara Mikulski (Dem) and Senator Orrin Hatch (Rep), co-sponsored a Congressional Resolution for National History Week 1981.  This co-sponsorship demonstrated the wide-ranging political support for recognizing, honoring and celebrating the achievements of American women.

Over the years, many states adopted March as Women’s History Month which led to lobbying Congress to declare the month of March 1987 as National Women’s History Month and a special Presidential Proclamation is issued every year to honor the extraordinary achievements of American women.

A Tribute

What is highlighted for me in learning this history is how relevant and impertinent these lessons are to our current and future leaders.  This demonstrates leadership characteristics and practices of passion, innovation and creativity, drive, resiliency, influence, persistence, communication and the power of collaboration to achieve extraordinary results.

So, I’d like to pay tribute and say thank you to all those women who came before us, who dared to take a risk, challenged the status quo, thought creatively and innovatively to achieve what was deemed impossible, who didn’t take “no” as a full stop and were willing to collaborate to achieve results.

Thank you to the early pioneers of the suffragette movement, Lucretia Mott, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B. Anthony and Lucy Stone. Thank you to Rosa Parks, the mother of the modern civil rights movement.  Thank you to women in government such as Eleanor Roosevelt, Sandra Day O’Connor, Ruth Bader Ginsberg and Sonia Sotomayor, Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton, Bella Abzug , Madeline Albright, Condoleezza Rice.  Thank you to the women who led the “Second wave” of the Equal Opportunity Employment and National Organization for Women, Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem.  To all the women CEO’s who have paved the way for future CEOs, Andrea Jung, Meg Whitman, Carly Fiorina, among the few.  Thank you to Oprah Winfrey, Barbara Walters, Diane Sawyer, Katie Couric and all the women in journalism and media.  These few role models mentioned above give hope for the future generations of women and all the greatness they can achieve.

Personally, I would like to thank all the “famous in my eyes” women who have supported and still mentor, coach and support me every day of my career journey.  Thank you to my past managers and mentors for the guidance, trust and belief in my potential.  Thank you to my current partners and colleagues who have supported me through my career transition and who are great role models of professional women who balance life, family and career.  And a big thank you to my mom, a great role model for balancing family, work, school, car pooling and who taught me and my sister that we could achieve great things if we put our minds to it!

Thank you to all the women who have paved the way for me to focus my executive coaching practice on supporting executive women in achieving their unique leadership potential.

It is up to us to continue this great legacy and to support one another by pulling the next generation of women leaders through the glass ceiling, smoothly, without any scars from shards of glass. I look forward to doing my part in keeping this great legacy of American women proud and I encourage you to do the same.

I look forward to hearing from you this month,

Bari Waxman

Bari Waxman

Executive Coach

Bari Waxman & Associates

Bwax [at] bwaxmanassoc [dot] com (Bwax [at] bwaxmanassoc [dot] com)

"A goal is a dream with a deadline"

As I end this month's theme of "Taking Personal Inventory of Your Successes" let this be your time to shine.

As a manager, you have a multitude of roles to play on a daily basis. You must lead your "followers", motivate, encourage and listen to them; you must delegate responsibilities to let your people grow and become empowered.

As you climb the ladder, with each rung on the ladder comes added responsibility and stress; therefore, you must manage each "rung" as well as possible and keep in touch with yourself and your people.

Do not fall apart. Women are needed in management roles; we have been "groomed" for this; we are wonderful at balancing roles and have inherent traits which make us naturals at management.

However, equally as important to taking care of your people is for you to take care of yourself. Nurture yourself. Without stress outlets, fun and balance, you will not have the energy to manage your employees.

Take your job seriously, but keep your sense of humor, as this may be one of the most important gifts which you possess.

Get ready to experience a wonderful journey to success that will surpass anything you can imagine.

My best to all of you,

Dr. Madeline

President/CEO

Deline Institute for Professional Development

Website:  www.delineinstitute.net

Email:  women [at] delineinstitute [dot] net (women [at] delineinstitute [dot] net)

"Finding Your Best Inside"