You never want to love again. Why put yourself through that much pain and suffering? So you put your walls up and stay within them. It feels safer; you learn to live there but you pay a price. You avoid heartbreak but lose what you most want – the chance for real love. How do you decide to willingly move forward?:
Consider what you want
You want love, joy, a full life and a relationship that lasts. Yes, you wanted these things with that guy, but he’s not the only man in the universe. Right now, that’s hard to believe, but here’s the truth – he symbolized what you wanted. The next man might be more right for you and will represent what you actually want rather than the one who broke your heart.
Take a look at what holds you back
Is it fear, grief or the knowledge that love makes you vulnerable? If it’s fear or the knowledge that love makes you vulnerable, remember that closing off your heart doesn’t make you happier; it just roadblocks your route to love.
If it’s grief, then grieve. Let your tears flow and lean into your emotions. While it might seem counterintuitive that hurt and sorrow will help you move on, sorrow lurks below the surface until you embrace it. Share your pain with your close friend or your journal. Simply allow yourself to feel it without boxing in your anguish. But once you’re done, be done. Don’t wallow and tell the same story again and again.
Give yourself the gift of honesty
What went wrong? Did you choose the wrong person? Suffocate him with neediness? Did you tell him too much too soon? Or was it all a matter of timing?
Journaling your story can help get your thoughts out of your head where they will circle around in endless spirals. When you read what you wrote, reflect on it as a best friend would and ask yourself, “So what have you learned?” Admit what went wrong so you can move past it and reflect on the lesson learned. Once you do this, you won’t repeat that mistake.
Once you’ve learned what you can, don’t carry your heartbreak with you. Remembering what didn’t work equals ingesting the same poison again and again. Commit to cutting the emotional link that chains you to the past.
You may be tempted to pedestal this former man or relationship, but he wasn’t perfect, and you can stop beating yourself up for the relationship ending. It’s time to clean your vision screen of past dirt and refrain from measuring every new man against the one that’s gone.
Open and free
Now you’re ready. Set your intention to love again. Allow yourself to meet new people. Realize one door closed so another can open. Walk through that door.
The information in this article is the opinion of the writer.