We all feel hurt, it’s the nature of getting close to people. Sometimes we hurt so badly that we would rather never deal with the person who hurt us again. However, most of us do not have that luxury, and need to deal with them and our feelings. Here are five ways to do that:
Don’t deny the hurt
No one likes to feel hurt, and sometimes it’s easier to deny what we are feeling than to look at what happened and decide what we are going to do about it. If we push it down and don’t deal with it, it will just “pop up” again, probably when we least expect it, and be more uncomfortable for you, and awkward for the people around you. It’s best to take a few deep breaths, feel the feelings, and share your emotions and insights with someone you trust.
Own your part
Realize that your expectations may be getting in the way. Yes, the other person has probably done something that was off, but did you have any part in what happened? Were you expecting too much from the person? Sometimes our expectations of what we “think” should happen, or what we would like to see gets us in the most trouble. The person was just being themselves—perhaps somewhat of a jerk, but why do we care so much?
See what happened through the lens of compassion
Yes, we have choices, we can go on and become angrier and angrier at what happened or we can try to understand why the person acted that way—were they afraid, were they not feeling very good about themselves? What was really going on? When we know the whole story, we can begin to empathize with them, even if it is just a little.
Forgiveness is really the only choice
Really, what other choice do you have – to hold onto the hate? If you do that, the person who will hurt the most is you. It will eat away at you, your mind, body, and soul. It will sap your energy and consume you. People forgive not just for the other person, but so that they can free themselves.
Handle your trust issues
Okay, the person acted poorly, what about their track record? Is this a once in a blue moon occurrence or does it happen a lot? If occasionally, perhaps in time you can trust them again. After all, they are more trustworthy than not. If this happens quite often, well that’s another story. Maybe you have to ask yourself, “why am I putting myself in the line of fire, and really, do I need to do that?”