Everyone tells a white lie or a fib every now and then, and usually it slides under the radar. However, when you’re dating someone, there are a few sure signs that can definitely make or break the relationship. Especially if you trust this person and think they might be the perfect fit, dishonesty can be the quickest way to kill romance and break your heart.
If you catch any of these lies, it could be a sign that the relationship is headed for disaster.
They lie about being romantically available.
Getting into a relationship with someone who is already in another relationship, or even married, ensures drama, disaster, and heartbreak. Not only could it result in irreparable emotional damage to anyone involved, but it should be a signal that this person is not loyal and will never be loyal. Shadeen Francis, LMFT, marriage and family therapist, says that “Lying about availability for a relationship is devastating for partners who discover their significant other has been dishonest. Sometimes people lie, and say they are single when they are not, or they may lie about whether or not they have children. This is never fair to the person being lied to, or to the people being lied about”.
They lie about being emotionally available.
Dating in this day and age can be difficult. However, it requires open and honest communication with not only your partner, but with yourself. If you are not fully ready to invest your time, effort, and care into a relationship, then being in a relationship is not the best situation to get involved in. Getting into a relationship before you understand what you want can be damaging to the relationship, and more importantly, it could hurt the other person involved. If you aren’t sure what you want from the relationship or even what you want for yourself, communicating this to your partner sooner rather than later can spare the heartbreak and confusion of an abruptly ended relationship.
They lie about fiscal matters.
In the long run, money will be an essential part of any relationship and it is vital to be on the same page about it. As many as 41% of adults in America admit to financial infidelity, according to the National Endowment for Financial Education. Of course, sharing your finances and financial history requires a lot of trust and commitment, as it is crucial to planning a future together. If you find your partner lying about how much they have, whether it be more or less than what they actually have, it could be a sign that they are not to be trusted fiscally.
They lie about wanting (or not wanting) children.
When planning for the future, it is important to be honest about all of your goals and intentions. Whether this be financially, personally, and romantically, a sound relationship can only prosper on honesty. So what happens when a partner lies about wanting to eventually have children? There can be no compromise in this sort of predicament, thus it is important to lay out your goals and ideas from the beginning. “Sometimes, partners overtly tell untruths about their goals, wants, and needs, in order to be flexible. This form of dishonesty can create fear, resentment, and anxiety in a relationship. When a partner does not feel free to be himself/herself, this builds up frustration over time,” says Carla Marie Manly, PhD, clinical psychologist.
They lie about their past.
Owning up on your past mistakes and faults can not only deepen the relationship, but it can allow yourself to recognize your faults and move on from them. Withholding certain information about yourself could possibly damage a relationship when the honeymoon stage is long gone. This, of course, doesn’t mean we have to expose every detail of our life to our partner, however, if it can possibly affect your new relationship, it’s easier to just be honest with them. Telling your partner why your past relationship may have ended, or being honest about any mental health struggles opens up a foundation for trust and support that are needed along the way.
They lie and say it’s OK (especially in bed).
Getting over an argument and brushing it off could do more damage than good. Oftentimes, we want to agree with our partner to just spare the arguments. Lying about something that bothers you can fester into bigger arguments with your partner, and because your partner thinks it is OK, they may be confused as to why you may be feeling a certain way. This applies to both personal arguments, and even discourses around sex, which can be a crucial part of a relationship. “Couples should never lie about anything that bothers them in the relationship, or any topic of significance,” says Marni Feuerman, PhD, LCSW. It is better to be honest about your own personal and sexual desires or needs to keep your partner aware, and open room for compromise and discussion.
They lie about being faithful.
Much like the first lie, lying about cheating is a sure way to break any trust between couples. Wendy L. Patrick, JD, PhD, author of the book, Red Flags says “lying about spending time with another person is a death knell to a relationship, and a lie partners should never tell.” Cheating and infidelity of any sort is one of the most painful heartbreaks to go through, and it can damage any trust the individual may have for you or for any relationship in the future.