Have you ever taken the time to truly look at yourself and consider if your actions are causing people to turn away? Here are five behaviors that can sabotage your efforts to find love.
You’re Unwilling to Compromise
Long-term happiness in a relationship means that you have to accept that sometimes you aren’t going to get your way. If you are too fixed in your expectations and beliefs, your partner will feel as though their own preferences and desires don’t count. This isn’t to say that you should cave into your significant other’s every whim–in fact, it’s very important to make sure that your own needs are being met too. In order to form an equal, loving partnership you have to make room for each other. Compromise is key to being in a loving relationship.
You Don’t Listen
Before you can even figure out what to compromise on, you have to make sure that you are hearing your partner when they communicate their needs to you. You can’t be sensitive to your significant other’s feelings if you don’t hear them expressed in the first place. Unfortunately, many aren’t straightforward enough to communicate, “I need this” or “I feel this,” so it’s your job to make sure to listen to what your partner is saying, and translate that into what they need in the relationship. This isn’t about mind reading, it’s about empathy and communication.
Your Whole World is Your Relationship
Knowing who you are as a person and having your own goals is really important. Simply wanting to be in love is not enough. If your entire being is consumed with feeding into the relationship, you will fall victim to becoming too needy and codependent. Having goals and friends outside the relationship will make you more interesting, allow you to bring more to the relationship, and ultimately, have more to offer your partner.
You Don’t Make an Effort with Their Friends and Family
You and your partner are not alone in a vacuum, and sometimes this means your partner comes with a loser-stoner roommate or a mother who’s determined to hate you. As challenging as it may be, these are people important in your partner’s life. Attempt to have a cordial relationship with your partner’s loved ones–you don’t have to be best friends with them, but you should put your best foot forward. Alienating your significant other and forcing them to choose between you and their friends is only going to create unnecessary awkwardness at the least, and hard to overcome resentment at worst. Being polite is not that difficult of a task, and your partner will not be impressed if you can’t manage that for the important people in their lives.
You Can’t Laugh At Yourself
A sense of humor is one of the most attractive traits a person can have. Sharing an inside joke with your partner is one of the most intimate and fun ways to make you both feel connected and special. Even sexier is someone who is able to laugh at themselves. If you take yourself too seriously, you can’t laugh at your mistakes–which puts immense unnecessary pressure on you and your partner. Plus, being silly and letting your guard down invites greater closeness and allows your partner to know you on a deeper level. There are moments for seriousness, but there also needs to be room for fun and vulnerability, particularly around someone you trust.