Sometimes it seems that we are programmed to say, “I’m sorry” for things that we are not really sorry for. Perhaps when we were young, it was drummed into us to be “sweet” or “thoughtful” or both.
When we apologize for things that we’re still angry about—but do it out of “people-pleasing”—we become resentful of the other person or resentful of ourselves. Being straight about what we feel is always the better way, even if it feels uncomfortable. Here are a few things you should NEVER apologize for.
When someone puts you down
They are inappropriate. Nothing you could ever do warrants demeaning behavior. Don’t stand for it. Ask yourself, “What is their problem?” Anyone who can put so much energy in trying to make you feel bad has something seriously wrong with them.
When someone tries to shame you/blame you
Even if you contributed to the conflict, don’t let them place all the blame on you. They are having trouble admitting to the part they played and they find it easier to make everything your fault instead of owning up to their own mistakes.
When someone behaves poorly
Even if it is someone you are close with, (a family member, close friend or significant other) don’t let them make you feel bad for something they did. They are responsible for their actions—not YOU.
When a co-worker makes a mistake
Even if they try to make you feel like you owe it to them, you don’t. No matter what favors they did for you, you don’t have to cover for their poor judgement. Would they do the same for you if the situation were reversed? Probably not.
Trying something new and failing
You took a risk and it didn’t work out. That takes more courage than staying in your comfort zone. Give yourself credit for putting yourself out there. You did your best, and that’s what is really important.