A common and reassuring platitude concerning heartbreak is that it happens, but you learn from the pain and choose future partners accordingly. However, if it seems like you’re reaching for your emergency Ben & Jerry ice cream kit more than occasionally to remedy a broken heart, this might be a sign that you’re to blame for self-inflicted emotional distress. Are you really unlucky in love, or are you repeating bad decisions? Here are six ways to diagnose whether you are setting yourself up for heartbreak.
Your partner doesn’t respect you
It’s important to evaluate the true character of the person you’re dating. In some cases, this can mean opening your eyes to some pretty unattractive insights about humankind. However, this also allows you to realize what flaws you are willing to tolerate in another and whether your relationship will work well in the future. Rather than submerge yourself in a relationship with someone who has no regard for your happiness—exhibited through but not limited to: disappearing for days without explanation, not introducing you to his friends/family—reconsider the person to whom you give your respect.
The people you date are a sequence of pretty much the same person
You know the saying “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me”? It applies here. The first time you tried dating a “bad boy”, you felt blindsided when he cheated on you with your frenemy. Similar to analyzing a current partner, the privilege of dating many people is that you are able to assess and choose from many different personalities for your potential companion. In your early dating, you didn’t recognize that someone best described as “carelessly cool” might not be a committed partner.
You go back to the actual same person
They ghosted you for what seemed like no reason, and now they randomly want to start talking to you again? The best option is to throw that fish specter back into the proverbial sea before you repeat the same prior mistakes.
You’re not spending time alone
It’s a tired but true saying that for you to love someone else, you need to love yourself first. You should not be dependent on another person to feel happy, as that same person can leave your life in an instant. It’s also important to process past relationships before you dive into the emotional needs of another partner.
You don’t know what you want in a relationship
Just as important as knowing who you want to date is knowing what kind of relationship you want. Sure, many people can date “no strings attached”, but is this what YOU want? Come to terms with your ideal arrangement to avoid future disappointment and stick with this decision.
You don’t know what you want in life
In the media, heartbreak is often portrayed through the perspective of the dumped rather than the dumper. However, the other person’s feelings can be just as valid and pained if the reason for the breakup was indeed personal. In the same manner that you need to spend time alone for self-assessment, you need to know what you are looking for not only in a relationship but also in life before you commit to someone.