One can debate the romanticism of two souls intertwining and “getting lost in a relationship.” However, what’s so clearly unromantic and unhealthy, is losing one’s sense of self-importance in a relationship. While you can be deeply infatuated with another, it’s always important to remember to stay true to what you need overall. Here are five signs that you’re loving too hard, and valuing the other person’s needs over your own.
You’ve lost touch with your aspirations
Remember that time you studied abroad in Paris for a year on your own? Or that time you took a road trip with your friends across the country? You can’t imagine leaving your partner to go on the same adventures that gave you such happiness before, but that’s not to say that you don’t want to go.
If you had dreams of pursuing a path that your partner doesn’t encourage and you’ve begun to devalue these dreams, this is a sure sign that you’re forgoing your own happiness to be in this relationship.
You’ve changed your opinions to keep the peace
Similar to letting your hopes and dreams fall by the wayside, you’ve also kept your opinions silent to avoid a fight that might unearth the foundation of your relationship. In a healthy relationship, communication is crucial to keep both parties happy, which will include many disagreements. Why spend your time with someone who can’t accept your true opinions, and consequently, your true self? For someone to love you completely, they have to know you completely.
Their problems bother you as if they were your own
It’s nice to accommodate your partner’s feelings by empathizing with them, but there’s a difference between empathizing, and simply feeling bad. There’s only so much stress that you can take on from your partner’s problems before it will start to affect your relationship negatively. For this reason, it’s important to remember that you are a separate entity away from the relationship.
You rationalize their unethical or inappropriate behavior
If your partner behaves in a way that disagrees with your own moral compass, and yet you find a way to justify it, it’s clear that you’re valuing even their overtly flawed ways over your own principles. Just as it is important to voice your interests and what gives you happiness, it is also just as crucial to express what you find unacceptable.
You never have time for yourself or others
As much as you may love spending time with this person, there’s a point where you need to carve time out for others as well as for yourself. The true test to evaluating if this relationship is allowing you to grow as a person is whether you are able to do what you like to do independently. It’s also important that you are able to spend time with other people. If you constantly have to choose between spending time with your partner or your family, for instance, this is not a relationship that allows you to address your own needs separate from the other person.