Are you in love or is it lust? Sometimes it’s hard to tell because both love and lust create a connection with your partner that feels exciting and blissful. For all their similarities, they are most definitely not the same. Lust is an intense physical attraction and you desire your partner due to a strong sexual connection. Love is attraction and affection that goes beyond what meets the eye. Sometimes lust can make you blind that what you’re feeling is the real deal. Here are five things that can help you tell if it’s love or just lust:
How high do you put your partner on a pedestal?
If you’re in lust you think your partner is perfect. You think nothing is wrong with them. Everything about them is shiny, bright, and new. They can’t do anything wrong in your eyes.
If you’re in love you know your partner isn’t perfect—and you choose to love them and be with them anyway. In fact, it’s your partner’s imperfections that you cherish the most. You know you aren’t perfect, so you value and welcome your partner’s flaws as well.
How much effort do you put into your appearance?
If you’re in lust you dress up every time you see them because your physical attraction to one another is huge. In fact, it might be because it is what you value most in your relationship. You’re obsessed with looking your best for them because you still feel like you need to impress and entice them.
If you are in love you wear sweatpants and no makeup. You don’t care how you look in front of your partner because you know that they care for the true you—whether you’re wearing mascara or zit cream. Your level of comfort with one another is that strong.
How often do you have intercourse compared to doing other things?
When it is lust, you spend most of your time in bed together. You have a strong desire to have intercourse all the time and don’t necessarily take the time to connect in other ways. Chances are you don’t engage in much pillow talk and you might not even cuddle.
If you’re in love, you have intercourse, but that’s not all you do. You want to connect with each other in other meaningful ways. Sometimes you like trying out new hobbies and activities together. The relationship may even feel like they could easily be your best friend and not just a boyfriend or partner.
How deep are your conversations?
If you’re in lust, you love living the fantasy, but you tend to avoid reality. This might mean spending time engaging in sexting and superficial chatting, but you don’t want to discuss real feelings or any plans for the future. He is more likely to ask you what you are wearing than how you are doing in the morning.
If you’re in love, you talk for hours and it feels like minutes, about everything and anything, including deep feelings. You care and respect how your partner feels as well as are curious about their perspective on the world. You both feel motivated to support one another and be a better person for each other.
How much do you challenge each other?
If you’re in lust you are so infatuated with this person that you ignore things that bother you or raise red flags. You don’t like how they handle money or how they speak to your friends, but you ignore it because you don’t want to rock the boat. Perhaps subconsciously you know it isn’t going to last so you just ignore it.
If you’re in love when you don’t like something your partner said or did, you call them out. You are not afraid to speak your mind because you are worried about being judged. You know a solid relationship requires honest and open communication. You want to offer your criticism to make them the best they can be.
Disclaimer: This article is the opinion of the author.