Most of us have probably had a fear of commitment at some point – moving forward in a relationship is scary because it makes you vulnerable and opens you up to the possibility that your relationship might end someday. However, people who have a true fear of commitment will not take the risk, and may string their partner along or end the relationship abruptly. How do you know if your partner is not ready to commit?
They set unrealistic expectations
We all have a list of qualities of an ideal partner, but we know perfection doesn’t exist, and we typically let some things slide as long as the person shares our core values. If the person you’re seeing has a fear of commitment, they may try to sabotage the relationship by creating expectations that you simply cannot meet. They might say that they’re holding out for someone who’s more compatible, when in reality they are just masking their fear.
You only get an occasional text or phone call
When you’re together everything is great, but when you’re apart, you don’t hear from them often, if at all. In the beginning stages of a relationship, it’s normal to only communicate occasionally, but if you’ve been dating a while and your partner is serious about taking the next steps, there should be consistent communication.
They pick fights
Arguing is normal in relationships, in fact, it can be good for you, but does your partner take the smallest thing and find a way to argue about it? If they care about you, but are truly afraid to commit, constant fighting might be their way of creating a reason to end the relationship.
You don’t really know anything about them
When you’re building a life with someone, you know their likes, dislikes, and goals. If your partner doesn’t let you know about themselves, they’re not taking you and the relationship seriously. Dr. Gail Gross, a human behavior specialist says, “By being cautious and keeping you out of his [or her] life, [s]he is giving you the message that you do not count — you are not that significant to him [or her].”
Their future plans don’t include you
This is, perhaps, the biggest red flag. When someone is truly committed to you, they’ll talk about the future in terms of “we,” not “I.” This could be something as small as planning a road trip in 3 months, or as big as discussing whether or not you want to have kids. If you would plan your future around your partner, but they wouldn’t do the same for you, there is a serious disconnect, which you need to address.