Relationships are like plants. When they are teeny tiny, they are vulnerable to many things that can kill them. It’s not until they are full grown that they become strong and durable. In the “sprout” phase, here are some mistakes you may be making that you’re not even aware of.
Spending too much time together
You want each other so much you can’t stand to spend time apart. But careful – you might smother each other. By building some space apart, you just increase desire.
Not spending enough time together
Okay, so breathing room is one thing, but then there’s just plain ignoring each other. If you aren’t spending enough time together maybe you are losing interest or you’re projecting that your significant other isn’t all that significant.
Not talking about what bothers you
If it’s on your mind and you are having trouble letting it go, talk about it. If you don’t talk about it, it’s going to start to swell up and ultimately turn into a problem. Don’t sabotage your relationship – talk.
Sometimes when I don’t want to talk about what’s bothering me, or if I’ve brought something up but it keeps being a problem, I tend to get passive-aggressive. I don’t think I do it intentionally, but I do it and it’s bad. It says, “I don’t feel we can communicate honestly and fairly so I’m just going to try psychological torture.” Passive aggression is just nasty. No one appreciates it, so be bold enough to speak openly.
You were hurt when he did (insert hurtful thing here). You can’t go back in time to change it so it just keeps hurting over and over. If you hold onto that grudge, it’s going to keep poking at you — diminishing your chance to feel joy and unrestrained happiness. Holding a grudge is really like going swimming with a brick. It won’t end well.
Having unrealistic expectations
There is a phrase; “Sh*t happens.” There is no phrase; “Perfection happens.” Expecting that everything will be perfect is a sure road to disappointment. People get sick, change careers, life does the unexpected – so be flexible. If you love with your heart open wide, you will be better able to go with the flow of things.
No personal space
A person is a singular organism. Being singular means each of us has our own destination to reach and directions in life that give us a sense of purpose. Don’t give those things up. Giving them up is letting go of the self. Who is it you’re really in love with after that?
Humans are complex. Don’t feel the need to share everything up front. Yes, there are some important things you should know before proceeding but maintain a little mystery. My wife of 30 years still pleasantly surprises me now and then and I love that.
These are just eight items but in my view they’re the big ones. Being aware that these are a part of natural behavior can hopefully steer you around them. Good luck.