Many of us have been raised to be “nice.” There’s nothing wrong with being kind, but if you’re accommodating more than you should, and not getting your needs met, there’s a problem. So here are scenarios when people are asking more of you than they should be and if you say “yes,” you’re being a pushover.
At work: You’ve been working overtime for the past two weeks. Once again, your boss asks you to work late tonight. However, you’re having trouble finding someone to watch the kids, they say they miss seeing you. Your spouse is growing irritable because you’ve been missing dinner every night. What should you do? The pushover would say yes to the boss and work overtime, because they’re too insecure to deny the request. Try this: Say to your boss, “I’ve been working late hours for two weeks and neglecting some personal responsibilities. I’m very committed to the job and can work late three days a week. Which days would you prefer?”
With friends: Your best friend is in a tight financial situation. She asks for money on a regular basis and you’re the one treating her to lunch each week. While you love her and want to help, you can’t keep supporting her financially. The pushover would stay quiet and keep giving her money because they’re too apprehensive to speak up. Try this: Say to your friend, “I love and support you, but I cannot continue to pay for you. However, I am more than happy to help you find an alternative solution.”
With your significant other: Your partner comes home each day with something new to complain about. You feel like every conversation is centered around them and they are not asking you how your day was or how you’re feeling. You feel neglected and undervalued when they dominate the conversation. The pushover wouldn’t speak up because they’re too afraid of their partner’s reaction. Try this: Say to your partner, “I love you and I know you’re under a lot of pressure, but lately, it’s all about you and I feel you don’t care what I’m going through and I know that’s not true.”
– Barbara Bent
