For better or worse, it seems that the adage “love is blind” is tantamount to plenty of people ignoring the flaws in their partner due to temporarily immense satisfaction from this individual’s presence. One might argue whether love really is blind, or whether this is simply lust at first sight. Sometimes love itself isn’t blind; it’s our blind desire to feel love that causes us to choose the wrong partner.
If fairytales aren’t real, what does this mean for our carefully planned-out narratives? So we project our idea of the partner we want onto the partner we have to fulfill our own dreams, sometimes unknowingly. How can you tell if your partner is the real deal or you’ve pieced together an idea of him? Here are five signs that you’re hooked on Disney’s phonics.
You feel like you need to make excuses for his behavior
If you start to realize you don’t agree with your partner’s behavior but you make excuses for it, you’re not developing an honest relationship. Making excuses means you’re complicit in his behavior and could even lead to you changing your own beliefs or ideals to fit better with his. If you truly loved your partner for who they were, you wouldn’t feel the need to cover up your true feelings or make delusional excuses for their behavior. In a truly loving relationship, both parties openly express their views and feel heard.
You feel like you don’t know much about him
If you’re someone who loves the idea of love itself, you might already be prone to idealizing relationships. If just the idea of someone else being in love with you is enough for you to stay in a relationship, it’s clear that your main goal isn’t to invest in getting to know the person you’re with. Since love is about truly caring about someone for all of their perks and flaws, you can’t be in love with someone who you barely know.
You feel like you can’t get over their imperfections
While some people choose to ignore their partner’s flaws for a perfect relationship, others can’t help but focus solely on these flaws because they believe it’s what is ruining the relationship. If you love someone, you accept their flaws; you choose the flaws you can live with, rather than pretend they don’t exist only to get annoyed each time they surface.
You feel more excited going out in groups
A clear sign that you don’t love the person you’re with is that you prefer to go out in groups with him rather than enjoy activities alone together. If you loved this person, you would also love the opportunity to have only his attention; the thought of being with him would excite you. If that’s not the case, you’re probably more interested in what the relationship looks like rather than what it’s truly giving you.
You don’t feel like putting in the work
The reality of relationships is that they require work. To be in a successful partnership, it “takes two”, so both parties need to communicate what they want from the relationship. If your partner buoys the relationship by bringing up the tough conversations and addressing the weak ends, it means you’re not doing your part by communicating your needs for a fulfilling relationship.