It can be difficult to spot “red flags” in the beginning of a relationship. Your partner’s immature habits may seem harmless at first, but becoming the caregiver in a relationship can lead to exhaustion, and all too often is a challenge women face in dating, and long term relationships.
Here are some signs that a woman is crossing over the line and giving too much, according to Psychology Today.
You’re coaching them, but none of your efforts are working.
You’re trying to make them a “better version of themselves. Your communication becomes limited to phrases like “Don’t forget…” or “Remember you need to…” Frustration from this lack of success can cause you to feel unappreciated.
Why do some women think, “I can fix him,” when entering a relationship? According to an article on CNBC, the dynamic can result from a desire to feel needed, but its effects can be disastrous. Remember, the belief that your partner cannot function without you is a sign of an unbalanced power dynamic. Not only will it lead you to become more controlling, you might even begin to rely on that control as a sign of a healthy relationship.
How can this issue of control be mended?
Allow your partner to be themselves.
Making decisions and facing the consequences themselves will not only provide an opportunity for your partner to mature, but relieve you of the burden of responsibility as well. Facing the anxiety that comes with relinquishing control should also give you time for self-reflection. For example, did you want to be in this relationship for the person, or did feeling needed and in control attract you to them?
“Have some personal reflection with some humility,” psychologist Lisa Bobby told CNBC. “Just imagine what it feels like to be in a relationship with somebody who thinks that it would be better for you to improve in the ways that they determine.”
Focus on yourself.
It may be easier to focus on someone other than yourself, but it’s unproductive, according to an article in Psychology Today. By facing and embracing your own vulnerabilities and past trauma, which leads to a desire for control, you can refocus your energy towards a more positive outlet, and avoid exhaustion. Working with a therapist can help you identify and break habits of control, and lead to healthier relationships in the future.