Going through a breakup is never fun. I’ve been through more tear-stained pillowcases than I can count, but looking back now, I can’t help but laugh about how foolish I looked. They all end the same way. First, comes the “talk” about how this isn’t going to work out, next is the phony “we can still be friends” spiel that makes him feel slightly better about being a jerk, and finally comes the dreaded (or sometimes, anxious) removal of his presence in your life – getting rid of his stupid anniversary gifts, photographs, emails/texts, his oversized comfy hoodies … darn, they were comfortable. You lose a part of yourself after a relationship ends, but don’t ever lose the lessons.
Life goes on without him … honestly!
As cliché as it may sound, yes, there is life after this guy. A truly great one. And although it may feel like the end of the world right now, you are only just getting started. My failed relationships ended years ago, but my broken heart made it seem like I could never love. That couldn’t have been further from the truth. Don’t let your temporary pain color your future naive. If there was life before him, there sure as heck is life after him.
Time is too precious
Now, this is no reflection on the ex-boyfriends I’ve had in the past. I’ve had some truly great ones. But, after a while, you realize how much time you wasted on relationships that just didn’t make sense. Hindsight is always 20/20, but really make sure that the drama, arguments, struggles you’re going through will actually be worth it all in the end. All of the energy and time I wasted could’ve been spent on doing things to better myself like developing new hobbies, traveling, meeting new people, spending time with friends who would be there when he wasn’t, or even entertaining new suitors who were way more deserving of me.
Don’t fall for his potential
Women do this too often (I used to as well). We tell ourselves he’s amazing, when in fact – there are subtle but hurtful things that he does that immediately raise red flags. That’s OK, he’ll change, we think. Once he becomes more invested in our relationship, things will be different. Don’t assume anything. Even if it’s for the better, each person grows at their own stage in life and at their own space. You can’t force that type of change on anyone, nor should you sit around and wait for a guy to wake up and realize the ways he’s mistreating you. Ask yourself, do you really love this person or are you only in love with the potential person he can be?
You’ll find so much better
This is an understatement if there ever was one. After kissing your fair share of frogs, you really do find your Prince Charming in the end. He may not be perfect, but you know he’s perfect for you because your compatibility magically aligns. Love should come easily, and when you finally find it – it’ll make that much more sense why it never worked out with the others.
Love him wholeheartedly, but love yourself more
Maybe you had your shortcomings as well, sure, but don’t put the blame on yourself entirely. Sometimes, it has everything to do with them and nothing at all to do with you. Don’t let your partner’s own insecurities project onto the wonderful person that you are. Just make sure you love yourself first, are highly secure about your worth and being, and the right man will recognize and love you the same.
The points expressed in this article are the opinions of the writer.