In a perfect world, we would all be nice to each other simply out of the kindness of our hearts. But the real world, unfortunately, doesn’t work that way. Some people are dishonest, and will give out fake compliments in order to personally gain something from it. Here are five ways you can spot that the kindness someone is showing you is anything but genuine.
If someone is so overly flattering that it makes you uncomfortable
Let me tell you about two women: Sally and Veronica. Now, Sally is a naturally sweet-natured girl who enjoys telling you how awesome she thinks you are. Veronica, on the other hand, is a little insecure. In fact, she’s so insecure that she constantly compliments everything you do, even the things that you know are not worthy of flattery. That’s because Veronica hopes that you’ll pay back all of her compliments, even when she does something that is less than worthy of praise. See the difference?
If you see them giving the same compliments to everyone they meet
They have figured out the perfect compliment, whether it is about your mind or soul or shoes, and say it to everyone they meet. They know that this fake compliment works on everybody, so it’s an easy way for them to worm into your heart without earning it. Don’t fall for it!
If they are super kind about something superficial
No matter how heartfelt their delivery is, if someone only picks superficial things about your identity to praise, they are not showing you real kindness. People who actually care about you won’t flatter you with superficiality. They challenge you and help you grow. Then they compliment you on that growth.
If they pick one specific thing about you to take interest in and only ask about that every time they see you
This is a common tactic of fake people. They look for quantity rather than quality of friends. They form large circles by tricking everyone they meet into believing they have a personal and individual connection with each of them. In reality, they can only think of each of their “friends” in one context, and don’t form complex relationships with anyone.
When they compliment you and insult themselves in the same breath
There is a difference between not taking yourself too seriously and being overly self-deprecating. If someone is constantly comparing themselves to you and building you up while they tear themselves down, their intentions are probably not sincere. Either they are desperate for you to like them, or they hope (like Veronica from example #1) that you will compliment them back.
Disclaimer: This article is the opinion of the author.