Are you emotionally dependent on your partner? If you answer yes to all or any of these questions, you might need to look at your relationship in a different way.
Do you not like doing anything alone anymore?
If you answered yes you may be emotionally dependent. While wanting to spend time with your partner is normal, it is unhealthy to give up your independence. Spending time alone or with your friends is important for balance.
Do you continuously ask for reassurance?
If you answered yes you may be emotionally dependent. It is normal for our partners to lift our spirits when we’re feeling down, but not solely. It’s important that we can take care of ourselves and build our own confidence. If you are only depending on your partner to feel good then you are setting yourself up for failure during arguments or even healing well after a potential break-up.
Is your relationship your only source of happiness?
It is so important to be happy and fulfilled in your relationship, but make sure to ask yourself if it’s the only thing making you happy anymore. Being too emotionally dependent on your partner could add unwanted pressure that can end up pushing them away.
Do your interests always have to match your partner’s?
It’s okay to have interests in common, but don’t forget it’s normal and healthy to have separate interests and hobbies as well. You may be too emotionally dependent if you have stopped partaking in your own hobbies to spend more time with and cater to your partners.
Does your appearance change based on what your partner likes?
Do you feel like you adjust your appearance to suit the preferences of your partner? For some women, it can be as simple as wearing certain clothing and others will go as far as to go under the knife. Some women come to regret the decisions they made because it wasn’t for them, but their partners. If this is you, then you may be too emotionally dependent.
Do you put your partner’s needs in front of your own?
It is important to be mindful of our partner’s happiness, but make sure you don’t try so hard to make them happy that you completely neglect yourself.
Do you get angry if your partner gives attention to anyone else?
Don’t feel bad about being a little worried. It is natural when we care about someone. But, if it takes over your thoughts, you start investigating their phone or you can’t bring yourself to trust them…it might be emotional dependence.
Emotional dependence is not healthy to maintain a good relationship. According to Timothy J. Legg, Ph.D., emotional dependence is when you typically end up relying on your partner to meet nearly all needs. When you experience distress, you might look to them immediately before trying to manage your emotions yourself.
Research done by Lean F. Seltzer, Ph.D., showed that this type of behavior in a partner will eventually lead their significant other to become increasingly impatient and annoyed with them, it also made their partner feel inadequate in their efforts to provide them with the succor they continually asked for.
Be honest with yourself if you believe that you have grown too emotionally dependent on your partner. You can take action to address this pattern. You can start by getting more comfortable with your own emotions and take charge of your emotional needs. You can also talk to a therapist if you think that you need help with your emotionally dependent behaviors.
Co-Writer: Katie Ann Vaccarelli