Do you have to deal with someone who pushes your buttons? Do you feel criticized and frustrated, or wish they would be different? Do you find yourself reacting and reverting to old ways?
Keep these strategies in mind so you can show up as who YOU want to be in your life:
1. Sort out “Your stuff” from “Their stuff”
Immediately sort out what the OTHER person has contributed to the tension and what YOU might have contributed (even if on first blush you think the answer is ‘nothing at all!”)
If you don’t feel heard or understood by a difficult person, know it’s because that person is stuck in their outdated perceptions. The way they see you reveals more about the old story they are stuck in rather than what is true about you – even though they are convinced they are right.
Turn your focus to what you CAN control.
One of the best things you can control is the ‘story’ you tell about why the person is acting the way they are. You will be tempted to go with ‘black and white’ assumptions like ‘they are a jerk.’ Go beyond these shorthands, and you will start to see that person hasn’t been exposed to more healthy ways of thinking or that person is repeating patterns that were done to them. Then you can see more clearly that ‘it’s not about you.’ Don’t allow yourself to blame them or feel frustrated until you have Been Impeccable for your 50%!
2. Have confidence to shift from criticism to compassion.
To have compassion, you need to see the other person’s behavior as revealing their struggles and limitations. You can’t do that if you are making it about YOU, how they are not giving you what YOU need, or YOUR judgment about them.
To be less upset about their behavior, your mantra is “Accept others’ level of evolution… and work on your own!”
3. Grow your Gratitude
Remember that the way they talk to you is the way they talk to themselves all day long. Be thankful that you only have to hear it a few hours a week/month/year, etc. rather than every minute of every day like they have to. Usually people who are so difficult are not able to have meaningful relationships. Be grateful you can and enjoy your relationships.
4. Be in your power
You have the power to make today the first day of the rest of your life. Commit to becoming the person, the role model, the value-add YOU want to be. No-body and no-thing else can stop you from having the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that will help you make the contribution you’ve been put here to make. Others are only put on your path to help you develop the skills you need to be more of who YOU can be.
You have the power to rise above your reaction to see what skills you are meant to develop by having to interact with this person.