You really like this guy, but the sex isn’t all that great. What gives? It’s likely that the problem you are experiencing is that the sex lacks intimacy. But first you’ll have to show him what true intimacy is (and how much better sex will become because of it). The good news is, if you and your guy already like each other, achieving this will be a simple task––all it takes is a little more touching and talking.
Practice your intimacy outside of the bedroom
This may seem obvious to some, but increasing casual contact makes people feel closer to one another. Really, it’s science. Think about the warm fuzzies you get when you hug your S/O or close friend. Those fuzzies actually happen when our bodies release endorphins (happy hormones!) and oxytocin (a neurotransmitter which can increase feelings of trust).
Lucky for you, there are many ways you can utilize your newfound knowledge with your guy. Hold his hand even on short walks. Cuddle on the couch even if you are watching a comedy. And if you want to up the touching ante–-and I recommend you do once you’re comfortable with the others–-practice giving each other massages.
Look into each other’s eyes
They say eyes are the windows to the soul, and you might start to actually believe it once you make the conscious effort to do so. Similar to the benefits of physical contact, it is proven that looking someone in the eyes increases mutual feelings of affection.
Sweet nothings never hurt anybody
We’ve already talked about touching, but words are just as important! If you’re thinking about how handsome he looks with his new haircut, do not keep that to yourself. Not only will he feel flattered by your compliments, but you will also feel good once you see how happy they make him. Before you know it, “You look sexy today” will turn into “I’m so happy to be with you.” Now that the preliminary changes are out of the way, you can extend what you’ve learned into the bedroom.
Keep sex balanced (aka tell him what you want!)
Good sex is about being pleasured as well as pleasuring the other person. Achieving this balance is the heart of intimacy. For a lot of men, however, this intimacy knowledge gap can be attributed to inexperience or just plain selfishness. But if your man falls into the first category, there are easy ways to fix this problem. First, the changes “outside” of the bedroom should also be utilized inside. Making eye contact and caressing during sex can very effectively increase the intimate-intensity of the moment. But most importantly, vocalize what it is that you want. I know, easier said than done, but I promise it’s worth it.
Men are very sexual creatures. But they’re also human, which means they can get caught up in the heat of the moment and forget about the needs of the person they are with. Friendly reminders are essential. If a man really likes you, he will be excited to listen to your desires (and he’ll probably enjoy them just as much.)
The core of intimacy is honesty and physicality. Once your guy sees how much better sex and your relationship becomes once the two of you are more open about what you want, he will never go back (and neither will you)!