Ah, the beginning of a relationship! For those of you who choose to be sexually active, it can be full of excitement and exploration. You can’t seem to get enough of each other and you feel not just emotionally, but physically compatible. You go from not being able to imagine yourself away from them to not being intimate at all anymore, if not very rarely. You might be wondering what the heck is going on. Is the romance dead? How did we get here? All valid and confusing questions that may run through one’s mind.
Here is what it might mean when a couple stops having intercourse:
Stress Could Be the Stopper
Clinical Sexologist, Dr. Martha Lee, M.A., B.A., says that people and couples go through phases and it could just be a stressful period in your life that you can work through. When one or both people in a relationship are struggling with recent stress or changes in their life it could diminish your drive. Consider any recent life changes that could be factors. Losing a job? Problems at work? Family issues? Also, try to think of when the last time you were having intercourse more frequently. Were you in a happier and less-stressful place? If the answer is yes, this might be the main factor that’s put a halt to your intimate life.
People Change and So Can Libidos
A person’s sex drive can be impacted by many different factors. For example, new medications, illnesses, depression or anxiety, age, and more can cause it to fluctuate. When one person wants to have intercourse and not the other it can cause a lot of issues in a relationship. It could possibly cause one partner to feel undesirable or self-conscious and therefore lowering their libido as well. Dr. Lee says the answer is to communicate, “If you are not happy with the state of things, do not sweep it under the carpet and wait until there is so much resentment and anger that it is too late to salvage the relationship.” She also recommends speaking to a doctor if you feel that your libido is so low that something more serious may be causing it.
Intercourse Is Not at The Top of the List Anymore
Perhaps your both enjoying things like spending time with family, catching up with friends, or participating in more activities in general. Once you’ve gotten to know each other’s bodies and gotten over the initial craze it can be normal to take a step back and focus on other things in your lives. If you think that being busy is the reason why you might not be getting “busy” anymore, Dr. Lee suggests penciling in time to be intimate with your partner. “It sounds weird, but scheduling intercourse can actually help get you in the mood — it gives you something to look forward to.” She also mentions that it is perfectly normal and healthy for couples to not be intimate as often later in a relationship than in the beginning.
There is A Deeper Issue at Hand
Sometimes there might be an intuition that there is no spark left and your partner might not be interested anymore. Also, there are times where someone feels like it could mean their partner is cheating if they’ve put the relationship intimacy on hold. It is NEVER good to jump to conclusions without having an open conversation first, but unfortunately, these things have happened. It could be a case of other troubles in the relationship. Have you felt you’ve been arguing more than usual? Was there an issue one or both of you can’t seem to get past? Talking to your partner about it can help you both decide if you’d like to work on the issues and fix them. If so, the best thing you can do is “recruit a task force” that will help get your relationship back on track. “You might like to consider seeing a marriage counselor, psychologist, or even a sexologist for help,” Dr. Lee says.
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